Monday, August 23, 2010


I never thought I'd say this, but it's true: sometimes, there are just too many marshmallows in a box of Lucky Charms. I couldn't even finish it this morning. I had to wash it down with some fruit and whole-grain bread.
I consider haggling a competitive sport and a testament to the power of the Ask. I love it. Yesterday, at Value Village, I had my eye on this ceramic bird vase. Wow, that sounds really tacky. It was actually kinda cute. But kinda cute for $2.99? I don't think so. As I approached the cashier guy, he was finishing up with a customer and telling her he "pretty much runs this place." Why he would brag about that, I have no idea. It seemed like he was hitting on her, but really went about it the wrong way. Value Village. He should have said, "Yeah, I pretty much run past this place every day on my way to the Barbizon School for Male Models Who Have an MBA and Are Kind To Puppies. Anyway, emboldened (that's a word, right?), I went in for the kill and asked for him to sell it to me for $1.00. You know, since he, like, totally runs this place.

Cha-ching! If you can't haggle at Value Village, which is just a glorified garage sale anyway, where can you? I was so happy that I tried to take this method to HomeSense. No dice. But a nice throw blanket for $34.99.
There should be a public warning for Ikea. Single women who are listening to Sophie B. Hawkins on their Ipod, should not go to Ikea on a Saturday afternoon. It is the land of couples. Sure, not all of them look particularly happy to be there, but at least they'll have someone to help lift the 150 lb box o' shelf parts into their car later. You never feel more single than when you're standing in line for a carton of Swedish milk in a sea of canoodlers. Fine, it wasn't milk, it was 2 hot dogs.
This has been the summer of the milkshake for me. Homemade, Dairy Queen, old-fashioned diner, McDonalds - I have a no exclusion policy. I was savouring a vanilla treat the other day when I was reminded of this interiew I read with Jared Leto. Remember him? Me neither. He was talking about how he put on so much weight to play Mark David Chapman in that Lennon movie no one ever saw. He said he used to microwave Haagen Dazs and drink it to beef up. At the time, it sounded revolting (plus there was this picture that came to mind):

...but as I started thinking further and sipping further, I thought - how is that at all different from this delicious milkshake? Is it not just liquified ice cream? I blamed these unproductive thoughts on the brain freeze and slurped to the bottom.
Have you ever seen a man riding in the sidecar of a motorcycle that is being driven by another man? It's quite funny. Usually (well, having only seen this the one time), the passenger looks really uncomfortable and emasculated. The little helmet doesn't help either. Big Poppa on the bike thinks he's king of the road and his sidekick friend gets to tag along on his adventures. I felt sorry for the little guy.

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