Monday, August 2, 2010


If you can believe it, I said the following words - in natural conversation and in proper context - all in one day!
- nefarious
- vestiges
- surreptitiously
Sadly, it was this same day that I caught my first episode of Jersey Shore - thereby deleting any intelligent points I garnered earlier. I've been seeing these creatures in the popular culture that swirls around my head for several months and morbid curiousity caused me to pause on their program. It was, as expected, the worst. Everything I dislike about other people, put into one shameful, irritating, loud display of bottom feeders. Why are we allowing these people to be famous? Why are we indulging them? Why do we care? Why did I waste 30 minutes when I could easily have been watching something more wholesome and valuable to my life. You know, like Project Runway.
Crime Alert: senior citizens see no problem in eating food without paying for it at the supermarket. In the past few weeks, I have witnessed (and stood idly by) while little old ladies and suspender-ed old men pluck grapes from the aisles, reach into bulk almond containers, bite into peaches and eat olives from the olive bar as if from their own kitchen table. Why can't I do this? I would surely be taken down and asked never to return. No one bats an eye at them! They know it's wrong, they probably just think they've lived long enough to have earned it. I sure do hope I live long enough to cash in on this theory. Although, I probably won't limit it to the produce section. I'll try it with gas and milk too. Whaddathey gonna do?
Another awkward supermarket situation yesterday. It's really obvious when parents are using their kids as conversational pawns to strike something up with other people. It's also uncomfortable. There was this guy with three kids hanging all over him - no other adults. Naturally, I steered my cart away as far as I could as I passed by. Then I hear him 'talking' to these kids who don't even know their own name or where they are and pretending to have real conversations with them. I know the guy thought he was being funny and that I would react or comment. I didn't. I didn't laugh and then I felt sorry for him. But before it got too serious, I turned into the ice cream aisle and forgot all about it.
Went to the movies yesterday to see Salt - surprisingly excellent with more twists than those awful Taco Bell 'desserts'. However, as my movie partner (movies are the only partnership we can commit to at this point in time :) ) and I sat chatting before it started, we were suddenly thrust into the most bizarre situation. The previews hadn't started yet - I have a strict no talking preview rule - it was just those lame general interest interviews and chitchattery (I just made this word up) that no one really watches. Or so I thought.

Directly in front of us, a woman spun around and said, "I can't help but hear your conversation." I thought she was going to join in our discussion about Lindsay Lohan and whether or not her career (what career?) is over. However, she wasn't having any of it. What follows is exactly what transpired - no exaggeration.

Crazy: You're talking and it's really annoying!
Me: Oh. Well, the movie hasn't started yet, so...
Crazy: I don't give a shit. Stop talking!
Movie Partner: Sorry, but you should just move then.
Me: We're just chatting, at a normal volume.
Crazy: I don't give a f**k - shut the f**k up.
Me: Wha----?
Crazy: F**K YOU!
Me: Are you crazy?
Movie Partner: You should just move, we're not going to stop talking until the movie starts.
Crazy: F**k you. Stupid Canadian men. Stupid Canadian men.

Then she turned around and left us with mouths agape trying to see if anyone else heard this. She was a little, refined looking lady. I guess. Then of course, although we had exhausted our Lindsay Lohan topics, we continued to talk. Yes, out of spite. But, seriously. Come on lady. This is why you should wait until you can rent it on DVD in the privacy of your little cave hovel. By yourself.

The rest of the movie we kept coming up with immature things to do to her - none of which we did of course, but when someone is so utterly insane, it's hard not to stoop to their level. Or at least think about it.

Major WTF moment.


  1. you should have kept talking through out the movie and laughing at absolutely inappropriate times!