Friday, October 29, 2010
I spent an hour and $20 at Value Village and found something that I will fashion into my costume. It requires cutting and sewing, but I will likely use a stapler instead.
I realized that the last 3 costumes I've worn have had me wearing a bun in my hair. And not one of them was Princess Leia! This year to shake things up, I've got a wig. It is ridiculously large. Right now it is sitting on a paint can in my basement as I try to tame it.
This is the first year that I will be able to hand out candy as a real life homeowner. However, since I am at the side of the house, I doubt anyone will come. Which suits me just fine. I'd much rather go see a movie and then stock up on 1/2 price candy the next day. I've been so busy I haven't even carved a pumpkin this year. But, I swear, just because I'm the miser on the street, if some punks egg my house, I will....man, I wish I could follow this up with an actual threat.
*later that week*
Ok, another clue, I have just returned from Michael's where I purchased a sheet of white foam paper for my costume.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sure, I did end up throwing it out still, but it did work. I know a great Tupperware guy - Tupperman Dan - if anyone would like some for themselves.
I did. Later that day my mom came to the door and declared, "I don't care who you vote for, but get out and vote!!" After I told her I already had, she was pleased, but then once I told her who I voted for, the smile faded. I guess she does care who I vote for...
Over the past few weeks, the campaigning has been in full force. Somehow, I ended up with a candidate's sign on my lawn. I didn't put there and I don't even think my tenants are legal to vote. Another thing that baffles me is why candidates think it a viable campaign tactic to stand on street corners and wave at traffic. No, really, am I the only one who thinks this is stupid?
Look at me! I'm on the street! I'm one of you. Wave at me, honk at me, vote for me!!! Wavey, wavey, wavey, wavey. Weeeee!!!
I'm always embarrassed for them. I was also embarrassed for the councillor candidate in my ward who had spelling errors in her pamphlet. It was very amateur, but I'm sure she got a good mark on it for her social studies class.
I found it amusing that of the mayoral candidates the fourth place runner up was the guy who I (and everyone else) only knows as the "Pothead Guy". Awesome, Hamilton. Sure, he only had 2% or something, but that's still fourth.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
We were getting some candles that are in the shape of pies delivered to our office - don't ask, it's ridiculous. Crazy Woman called me to ensure that I would be in the office to accept the delivery. I said I would. A little while later I went to the washroom, which is in the basement of our office. This must have been the exact moment that Crazy came to our door, which was locked. (Have you ever hung around downtown Hamilton? The weirdos will walk right in if you don't lock it.)
I didn't hear the door and when I returned a moment later I listened to the voicemail she had left. She told me that they were going to leave the delivery next door. Fine. No problem. However, then the Crazy forgot or, perhaps, was ignorant of how to turn her phone off and I was treated to a 5 minute message of her complaining about me.
"What an idiot!"
"She's so ignorant! After I set up the appointment... I can't believe her. So ignorant."
"And she was really rude on the phone too! Tsk tsk, so ignorant."
Ok, listen Crazy, that is not the correct use of that word. What is the matter with you? I was not ignorant. I was in the bathroom! If anything, I was ignorant of the fact that you were a lunatic and if I had known would not have taken a bathroom break.
So, naturally, I'm not going to stand for this. No one calls me an idiot or ignorant and gets away with it - especially when it's not true. I called her back and, I have to say, it was the most satisfying phone call. However, now I'm out of a stupid pie candle supplier because I made a big stink about telling her she lost a customer. :) Whatever. How about this: a regular pie or a candle that is not a pie? These are fine options, I think.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Have you ever loved and missed somebody so much that when you see them and hug them you wish you could be even closer? Like, you wish you could hug them from the inside. There is someone in my life that I don’t get to see that often anymore and when I think of them and remember our times together I am so wistful and sad, it becomes physically painful. The memories are so wonderful and intense that I can’t take thinking of them sometimes.
I was so lucky to have had them in my life for the two years they were and now it breaks me to reminisce and be reminded that distance and circumstance has taken us from that place. The place where we could finish each other’s thoughts and were so inseparable. The bond we shared was so great and it’s deeply depressing to know that we don’t share that bond anymore.
Every day spent with this person was hilarious. At least once every day, we were laughing to the point of doubling over. He was talented, funny, and we made the best team. Now, we chat every so often but we can’t be in the place we were before unless things change. I miss him so much. It makes me cry when I remember us and everything we went through together.
As LG Fashion Week starts this week, he is on my mind especially.
I like to hope and look forward to a time when we'll be able to be in each other's lives again.
I tried to compile a list of all the hilarious things we used to do and all the ways he made me laugh, but it didn't really translate. In any event, he's one of my favourite people. More than a boss, but of course, way less than a boyfriend - :) Love you Dittmer!
Why are the farmers concerned about increasing people’s awareness about eggs and milk? These are basics – of course we’re going to buy them. And I don’t care what brand I buy, I put no thought into it other than checking to see that the eggs are not cracked. It’s like advertising for the LCBO - of course I'm going to get my booze there. What am I going to do? Make my own?! There are no other options. Same with eggs and milk.
The only things I really need to know about eggs are who is buying the eggs that come in size small and how do I hard boil them without them turning grey? And, to be honest and risk coming off as an ignoramus, if instead of cooking the eggs I kept them warm, would they hatch into chickens? No, really, I don’t know.
It reminds me of this time in grad school when I was living with a bunch of strangers and I kept hearing things in the fridge. I was convinced it was a hatching chicken and made my roommate investigate with me to make sure I wasn’t crazy. Turns out I was and we didn’t really speak much after that.
Sour Cream & Bacon flavoured chips are back!!!!
I don’t where they have been, but I haven’t been able to find them for at least 3 years. Maybe 4. I’ve been tricked by Ruffles several times and mistakenly bought Hot Wing flavor and Au Gratin flavor. Similar packaging, very different chemical taste.
Sure, I don’t know how they make the flavor, but I don’t want to know. And if I really think about it, I’m not sure they taste like bacon or sour cream. But they are scrumptious. Look into it.
That is all.
This one guy who “checked” me out really made me laugh. All day. Still, even now. But I’m sure he wasn’t intending to crack me up. I looked at his profile and found that his interests were listed as:
- Noam Chomsky
- Quantum Theory
Hilarious. He wasn’t kidding around either. I don’t think I could have created a list of interests further from my own. If you know me at all and aren’t cracking a smile thinking of how badly matched we would be… I’ll admit, I had to look up gestalt and I still don’t really know what it is – something German. Paradoxes? Are you kidding me? I’m sure there’s a really witty way to make fun of this using a paradox, but it’s really late and I’d rather go to bed.
Another guy had a picture of his back which was emblazoned with a tattoo. Strike #1 – he has a picture of his back which was emblazoned with a tattoo on his profile. Strike #2 – it said “Whatever your past has been, your future is spotless”. So either this guy is a convict or he’s just really “deep”. Either way: DELETE. Who puts needlepoint philosophy in a tattoo? Or prison graffiti philosophy? I would prefer a butterfly on his ankle or a tramp stamp.
Perhaps, it would be helpful for these guys if I prepared a list of things that really turn girls off, when it comes to online profiles. The following are things I have read/seen lately and that should be avoided:
- Guys who say “I’m back to the site”. Quite a few guys say this. I’m not sure why anyone would want to advertise this. It basically means that you probably left to date some chick and it didn’t work out. Boasting failure is not great. And also, it implies that any of us girls have any idea who you are or care at all that you’ve returned. Nobody cares. Trust me.
- Do not mention your vasectomy or any surgery, illness or disease you may have. Full disclosure is not sexy.
- Do not post pictures of your car, motorcycle or you in a flexing pose. Avoid self portraits in a mirror as well. Don't you have any friends who can take a picture for you? Similarly, to the guys who are posting pictures of them in a wedding: we see through this. You’re probably thinking: “Hmm, if I show them a picture of me in a tux beside someone who is getting married, they’ll think I’m marriage material and girls always swoon for a tux.” I’m thinking: “Forced, man. It’s forced.” But, sadly, the tux part is true.
- Attention: I know what N/A means under level of education. Do you not remember that I filled out the same form for my profile? I know N/A means high school or less. Why not lie here, guy? Shallow or not, I’m not going to get excited about someone who only completed high school. That’s not to say there aren’t great guys like that, but with online dating, it’s all about the easily digestable stats. I've deleted guys for less.
- Do not post a picture of you wearing a sleeveless tee. To expand, do not ever wear a sleeveless tee.
Thank goodness I only have to put up with this for a few more months (according to the terms of the bet I lost with my friend). However, whatever will I blog about after that? Uh oh.
I apologize for not blogging as often as I would like. Work has been a little hectic lately – I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait for November to arrive.
We’ve been doing some model homes lately for a local builder and it’s been tying up lots of time. Do you have any idea how much work it is to fill 5 empty homes to make them look like they’ve been lived in? Take stock of the room you’re in right now (if you’re at home) – how many things are there in there? 50? 60? Now multiply that by 60 rooms and limit your time to two weeks. Argh.
It’s all turned out really well though, enough to get us in the newspaper. Well, the Homes section, which no one really reads – at least I don’t. I came to the opening after a week of 18 hour days just to show my face and grab a free donut again. However, there were other plans for me. The next thing I know, I’m in the ribbon cutting, doing web interviews and posing for photos with our team and the CEOs of the building company. I was not at all prepared for this.
On 4 hours sleep and zero minutes of shower, I showed up with crazy hair that I had wrangled into a ponytail. Luckily my outfit was okay, but if you look closely, I’m wearing dark jeans. My saving grace, or so I thought, was my awesome pair of heels.
Then we’re asked to pose in the houses and because they’re models, everyone is asked to remove their shoes. Since it is October, everyone is wearing socks. Except for me, because my shoes were peep toe wedges and I felt style was more important than warmth on that cold day.
Here is one of the pictures that is in the Hamilton Spectator. I look ridiculous. Seriously, am I really sitting next to the CEO with barefeet? In the next photo I put my shoes on (and promptly got mud on the carpet) and managed to look a little more professional. I think it’s a general rule to not be found barefoot near any CEO of any kind.At the office, I’m now referred to as Barefoot Contessa. Although I feign embarrassment, I secretly love this.
Friday, October 8, 2010
For me, the technology of my youth didn’t help my case. My parents got a video camera right around my 12th birthday. My younger brothers were at the adorable ages of 5 and 9. There are no worse years to have captured on film than those from 12-17. Who am I kidding? 20. So whenever we have a family movie night or reminisce over old videos, my brothers are sickeningly cute while I am the gangly, awkward (both socially and physically) grasshopper of a pre-teen trying to get attention. The camera did not love me. I shudder as I think of it. Where was the video camera when I was the world’s most beautiful child? No, really. I was.
This photo pretty much sums me up in 8th grade:
New glasses that I thought were awesome. They took up half my face.
Bangs. Oh, the bangs.
Crazy outfit that I also thought was awesome. I’m pretty sure my peers were doing the whole ‘one-shoulder’ overall look, but I am a purist.
My eyes closed, which indicates my awkwardness, as does my pose. I’m probably pretty nervous here. This ended up going on the bulletin board in my classroom.
You can’t see it, but I have ‘clear’ braces on as well. Luckily my parents didn’t make me wear the headgear to school. Actually, that doesn’t sound right. Perhaps they did but I blocked it out. Also not pictured, my legs that were not unlike the railing I’m leaning against and clear jelly shoes.
If this isn’t Winnie Cooper, I don’t know who is.