Monday, March 19, 2012

So long, farewell....

My group of friends is now big enough that we've resorted to the "Gooooo team!" goodbye instead of individual hugs. We actually put our hands in the middle together. I've been trying to get them to adopt this amazing send-off that I first saw among a group in Ottawa. I was living there for a while and had glommed onto this group of friends and when we were all out at a pub and one person went to leave, all the others would applaud as they departed. It was phenomenal. The rest of the bar would be curious about what was going on and, being the polite Canadian joiners that they are, would often join in. It was such a great way to leave the party. So far, it hasn't caught on over here. But I'll keep trying.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

As Dorky As Anne Hathaway

In my head, this seemed like a creative idea.

In reality, I look like a complete dork.

The point was to visualize every one of the 9 Best Picture nominated films at this year's Oscar party.

The Artist - the cigarette holder
The Descendants - the lei
Moneyball - the baseball covered with dollar signs. Duh.
Tree of Life - the WTF sign - from what I heard, that movie was a complete mind baffle
The Help - the apron
Hugo - yeah, ok, fine, I got nothing
Midnight in Paris - the beret and my watch was set to midnight. It's in the details, people.
War Horse - the hobbyhorse
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close - you can't tell from the picture, but I spent the night talking to people extremely loudly and incredibly closly. It was awkward.

Dodge This

So, it's a new year and along with a new job and a new relationship, I have a new "sport" at which I'm rapidly becoming mediocre. Actually, I should probably remove the quotations, because dodgeball isn't messin' around. Yes, that's right, I am on a dodgeball team in a 1000 person league in Hamilton. I was asked to join by a new friend, who, I'll be honest, I wanted to get in good with. If one of my already locked-in friends had asked me, I might have waffled a bit. But New Friend Winnie wants to be an enthusiastic joiner. Always. So, I jumped in. I also invited my friend Tim, who I had recently discovered to be quite athletic and a joiner himself.

My favourite part of dodgeball has got to be our team name: the Daj Mahballs

I love telling it to people and it's even better when we're wearing our shirts with the custom logo.

Not all the teams have matching shirts, but I'd like to campaign for an Originality trophy - we're a sure thing since the other team names are way lame: Dodgers, Fight Planet, Not In My Face.

If they were to give out an Originality trophy, it would be the only way we could possibly even come close to qualifying for a win.

We are terrible. Truly terrible.

We have lost EVERY single game, most matches and have come pretty close to being kicked out of the league due to a display of poor sportsmanship and one strange instance of random piano playing. Our team is pretty dejected. I, on the other hand, still really enjoy playing. It would be nice to win and I'm usually pretty competitive, but for the most part I still walk out of there with a smile on my face. And often, a bruise.

It might be because I keep thinking back to the first game and how much I hated it and how close I was to simultaneously crying and vomiting that every game since has been a delight. I was not at all prepared for my first taste of dodgeball. I was only armed with LuluLemons and the story of my friend who got a broken nose upon her first failure to dodge. I pretended to stretch alongside my teammates, but I really have no idea how to do that. Then they just sort of throw you in there. Getting hit wasn't so bad, but the running, jumping, dodging and general endurance required for an hour of this game was more than I could handle. It was, hands down, the most intense cardio activity of my life. One girl on my team actually DID throw up.

Now that we're a couple months in, it doesn't feel as intense, but it's still a hardcore work-out. We've been learning some strategies and are trying to work as a team, but I'm pretty sure we still look as haphazard as our first day.

Here's why we can't win:

- Too many chicks. We've been watching the A division teams and they only have the minimum number of girls, 2. We have about 7. And girls can't throw. We just can't. We can dodge and try to catch, but throwing is not our forte.

- No communication. Most of us don't know each other and this is our first time playing together so it's hard to get on the same page. Plus, we're just NOW learning some tricks of the game. Did you know that balls to the head don't count if you're standing upright in a non-athletic stance? This isn't really a trick of the game, just something I learned along the way.

- Not angry enough. We need to go all Red Ross on their asses. But by the time we realize this, we're already exhausted.

- Getting hit doesn't hurt that much. If it hurt as much as I was thinking it would, I'd do anything to avoid getting hit. Sure, winning is a strong incentive, but pain is a greater one.

When my friend mentioned that she and I are now part of the same league, I excitedly asked, "Really??! Will I get to play against you?!" Her response: "Oh. No, sorry sweetie, I'm in the A division." This is code for: "When I see you there, I have to pretend not to know you."

My second favourite thing about dodgeball? This joke about the league organizers, who are predominantly lesbians: They've been dodging balls their whole lives.

Thank you! Good night!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

2011 - The Best Year Ever

In reviewing 2011, here are some things that happened:

- I walked out of the first movie ever. I dislike wasting time. However, I dislike wasting money even more. So, for me to consider throwing away $11.50, a movie has to be pretty unbearable. Plus, I was in the middle of an aisle. And years earlier, I managed to suffer through Glitter without giving up. So this should give you an idea how bad "How Do You Know?" was.

- I tried new things. A lot of new things:

- badminton
- rock climbing
- horror movies
- snowboarding
- dating against type
- hitting police officers with my car - nope, not my boss' car
- tennis
- trampolining
- cleanse diet - quite possibly the worst idea of 2011
- gay dance clubs
- gluten free food
- working out seriously
- mystery shopping - uh, I mean, nope, nothing to see here, move along
- charcoal barbecues
- speed dating
- Goodness Me nutrition class
- country music
- Toronto Beaches...or is it Toronto Beach
- watching The Sound of Music, finally
- cutting down my own Christmas tree
- freelance work

They were met with varying levels of success. But looking over the year, it did live up to what I titled it at the beginning of January:

- I was asked to be a Maid of Honour. My best friend Naomi got engaged to my badminton partner Tim. I guess he's more than that and he wasn't originally my badminton partner, but now it's our thing. Helping them plan their wedding has been lots of fun and I can be more honest with her than I can be with my clients. For the most part.

The best part about the wedding, well, besides the displays of eternal love and commitment between two people I care about, is my dress! Yes, MY dress. It's stunning. Granted Naomi's dress is even more stunning, but we're both pretty stoked about mine too. In fact, we selected my dress before the big white main event dress. I have a feeling I'm going to pull a Miss Havisham and never take it off.

- My friends really kicked it up with Christmas cards this year. This might not warrant a bullet point to you, but as someone who has been sending out Christmas cards since the ninth grade, I'm thrilled that people are finally reciprocating. This past year saw the highest number of cards received. Thank you for finally getting the subtle hints I've been dropping for the past 15 years!

- I bought these shoes. And I found someone lovely enough to indulge me in a public place by holding them so I could photograph them. How do ya like that?

Worst. Blogger. Ever.

Returning to posting after almost three months is a daunting task. I vacillate between not knowing what to write about and not knowing where to start.

Staring blankly at the screen while acting pretentious at a Starbucks, this is what I've been able to come up with:

I took this picture months ago and it is as baffling today as it was then. Glue stick and batteries? Is this really a natural combination?

Ok, I'll keep trying.