Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Pants' Public Enemy # 1

Ok, what the F? I split my second pair of pants in two months! What is up with my behind? There is no reason for this. This time the fabric casualty were my favourite sleeping pants - man pyjamas with card suits on them. Blah.

I think I just came up with my first New Year's Resolution: stop being a fat ass.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Touching the Torch

On a patriotism scale from 1 to 10 (1 being American and 10 being someone with a Canadian maple leaf tattooed on their body) I would say I am a 5. Ish.

I stand for anthems, sing out loud, vote, and feel proud and priviliged to live in this country when I think about it.

Ordinarily, I don't get very excited about the Olympics. But, now that I hear they're coming to Canada - Vancouver, is it? - I'm actually a bit interested. I agree with Kevin, who says he's glad the world will get to see our beautiful country and I am more inclined to tune in since it's on our soil.

So, yesterday I was thinking about the Olympic torch and how it is making its way from coast to coast. I was pretty dejected when I realized I had been too forgetful and/or lazy to find out when it would be in town and go be a part of it.

I told this to Kevin and Jim last night while eating dinner at The Rousseau House in Ancaster. No less than 10 minutes later, an Olympic torch runner, complete with white track suit and all, came into the restaurant holding the aforementioned torch!

It was pretty exhilirating and I got to have my little moment with the Canadian spirit.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Christmas Confusion

I like Christmas. I wish I had more time to do Christmas right, but I always enjoy it when it arrives. There are a few things that I don't understand though.

- Why do people hire designers to decorate their homes and trim their trees?
Isn't the whole point of this to be a family tradition and something to do together? I recently spent 5 hours in someone else's home decorating for them. They weren't even home. I was in charge of the tree. This just seems wrong. I was directed to decorate with a pattern - all the ornaments were the same colour. None were made of styrofoam or popcorn. Not a one was colourful or homemade or some weird "ornament" made from paperclips.

Many rich folks want their homes to be show-worthy, which they achieve by sucking out the chintz and kitsch. Their trees look like department store displays. Who wants that? I can appreciate when you're just starting out, it will take a while to amass unique ornaments, but there is something so cold about a perfect tree. I much prefer to walk into my home with that creepy Santa mask that my mom made at craft group (circa 1992) and see a tree trimmed with random ornaments that mean something. Or see those reindeer craft projects that my brother started, but didn't finish.
This year, my grandparents stopped by to help us and we put them in charge of the strings of beads. It's pretty amusing, but we wouldn't think of changing it. It's a memory now.
- Why do people send Christmas cards with just their signatures in them?
When so few people actually send mail at all throughout the year, everyone loves to get Christmas cards. But, when I open a card from a friend and see just their signature, I really want to throw it away. What's the point? Would it kill you to write something more personal? You're not my lawyer or dentist who sends out token cards - even he tells me to floss! You're my friend - say something! Is it that people are lazy? They've already done most of the hard work, thinking of a sentence or two should be a piece of fruitcake.

I send out cards every year and, yes, it can be tedious and I sometimes repeat things, but I would never send out a form signature card like that. Maybe I'm being too hard on people. Whatevs.

-Why don't people recognize Home Alone as one of the classic Christmas films? I haven't seen It's A Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street or even Lampoon all the way through, but I don't ever miss Home Alone. My friend Jessica and I used to recite every line. It's completely hilarious and has the following gems:
- Catherine O'Hara
- "Keep the change, ya filthy animal"
- Daniel Stern as the best bumbling crook
- "Jimmy, stop that boy!"

See it again for the first time:

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Select Dairy Queen stores are currently selling Christmas trees. Talk about a creative way to corner the winter market until people want Blizzards that come with a spoon again.
It is weird when a drive thru speaker asks me, "How are you?" instead of "What can I get for you?" I got a little flustered this morning and said, "Bacon." But wouldn't the answer to that question always be: "Uh, ....hungry!?"
I think it's time to make an admission. I own a Miley Cyrus t-shirt. Yes. It was $7 and I bought it while in the States - I was a victim of my surroundings. I'm wearing it right now, but I'm a little ashamed. However, not ashamed enough.
If a network is going to run an all day marathon of a particular show, wouldn't it be a smart idea to air all different episodes? Hello Tvtropolis?
I am dying to play the new Scrabble Slam or Slap or something like that. Hint for those who buy me presents. Although this would require that my brothers actually read my blog. Ahem. Anyway, the game is like that puzzle in the newspaper where you change one letter to change the word to get from, say, HERD to GAME. I don't actually know if this is possible, but the game looks fun. Plus the point is to slap the cards down fast and it reminds me of the card game War.

Monday, December 14, 2009

It Snow Problem..

After the sixth emergency vehicle flew past me on the highway this morning, I got a feeling that this would be a long commute. Two and a half hours later I arrived at work. Surly. And all this because there was a snow warning. A freaking warning!!! There was no snow to be seen but because the newscasters and radio deejays were alerting us to the impending doom that will surely be brought on by 5 cm of snow, everyone was freaking out.

Ok, people, yes, we live in Canada. It is cold here. We will get snow. Just because we saw the first November without snow since 1932 it does not mean we are exempt. It snowed last year. We got through it. Stop being such ninnies!!!

I hate snow as much as the next person - or at least driving in it or shovelling it, but even I suck it up. It's just a lot of fear mongering. Who benefits from getting everyone all riled up? It surely wasn't me on my commute or my new suede boots as they walked on litres of preparatory sidewalk salt.

Instead of freaking out and complaining, let's all agree to focus on the positives about snow.
1) the crunch under your feet
2) the fun that is brushing the snow off your car - so satisfying
3) how pretty it all looks when you're inside with grilled cheese and cocoa
4) how when you come home late at night and the whole street is even more silent because it's been muffled
5) that feeling when you step on snow but they the crust breaks away and your foot falls in

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Quarter Life Crisis

I am having one. There is half of me that loves baking, homemaking, organizing, puttering, going to the library, cleaning and being quiet and alone. There is the other half that loves champagne, short skirts and stilettos, dancing like a maniac, staying out late, screaming, adventure and impulsive decisions.

This past weekend has been a study of my contradictions. Early on Saturday I had a nice lunch with a friend (sushi, natch) and then was far too pleased to buy matching shoe boxes and a saucepan that was on sale. Yeah. Fast forward 7 hours and I was crazy dancing at a fabulous party (with my fabulous gay friends, natch), swilling cocktails, jumping from soiree to soiree and begging to keep the party going at 3:30am.

I loved both parts of my day. I'm definitely at a point where I feel that I need to shake things up. Getting out of town is on my mind. Where? How? When? The organized, responsible part of me is unable to just jump up and fly away. But I'm currently not tied down to anything and this might be the right time to make a move.

It is always a struggle not to look at those around me and compare our situations. I know this is never a good plan, but sometimes I think that this isn't where I thought I'd be at 28. Others have babies, houses, husbands, steady jobs, pension plans, financial advisors.... I have none of these things.

How do I find that balance of the two mes? I want this and I want that. Do I try to have them both at the same time? Or one now and the other later?

Aargh. Ok, one thing at a time - I'm going to go eat the shortbread I just made. Yes, good plan.

How smart are you?

This was in the Globe a few weeks ago. See if you can figure it out.

Bob is in a bar, looking at Susan, who is looking at Pablo. Bob is married. Pablo is not. Is a married person looking at an unmarried person?

a) Yes
b) No
c) Cannot be determined

Apparently 80% of people choose the wrong answer because we are "cognitive misers" where we put as little mental effort into solving a problem as possible.

I got it wrong. Boo. But I blame it on a hangover.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

I think it's time...

After next weekend, I think I might officially call off the sushi extravaganza. I have eaten sushi 4 times on average for the last 3 weeks. It may be a bit much. As Katy warns, I could end up like Jeremy Piven. And not just a douchebag, but one sick cookie from all the mercury.

I'm a little OCD when it comes to food - only when it comes to food, people! It's like that one time in high school when I ate 24 grilled cheese sandwiches in a week. Or when I had a small cherry DQ sundae every other day for the entire summer of 1997.

When I find something I like, I stick with it. I can already tell that the next fad will be olives and triple cream cheese.

I wonder why I'm never addicted to healthy foods. Why no shots of flax seed oil every hour or bananas or whatever spelt is? Meh.

Lalalalalala Tonight!

It has been a long time since we have done it up right. Goodness knows, I've done it up wrong several times lately, but tonight I am hopeful. We have a good mix of people, an occasion to celebrate (the first annual Elopalooza) and a place to do it. I also picked up some champagne, Edam and tapenade - all I have to add is a slutty outfit and some "Yeah" by Usher and we're all set. I joke, Mom, I joke. I'll wear corduroy.

I love having those days when I am able to spend the entire day prepping for the night. Spa bubble bath, running errands to collect everything needed, multiple outfit skimming - it's the best type of indulgent day and to end it off with a crazy night with my friends...doesn't get much better.

I have been warned against the champagne. In fact, someone cruelly said I was a "doorstop" the last time I had the bubbly stuff. But this is the new MelMac. New priorities, new plans, new cocktails. I'm adding some orange juice this time. Aha!

Here's to a fabulous night where all the stars align - the perfect buzz, the smashing skirt, the well-placed cab and the wonderful friends who are even more wonderful after a few. Cheers!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

YOU wrote/sang this?!?

Don't you hate it when you love a song or a book but then get a look at the video or the book jacket and they don't match what was in your head?
I shamefully really like "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha. Yeah, that's a dollar sign. Then I found out she looks like this.Strung out, skanky, white. Nothing like what I thought she was. Bummer. And, you're right, Katy, who gives shout-outs to Diddy anymore? Is it 2000? No, Ke$ha, it is not.

Now I'm reading this book that I'm enjoying, but I caught a glimpse at the author's book jacket photo.
Um. Every joke or plot turn seems stupid now. The killer might as well be standing out in the woods like a weirdo. I think that symbol on his shirt might be from Magic: The Gathering.

It's breaks my heart...

I am not heartless. I just want to put that out there. In particular, there are two things that always make me sad when I see them. I didn't even know I cared about these things until I'm confronted with them and they always make me take a second to wallow in the sorrow I feel. It's very strange, but every time I am affected this way. Even if I see a movie or television show portraying these people/situations.

1) kids/teenagers being bullied by their peers

Ugh. Even just writing it and thinking about it makes me unhappy. It's strange, I don't even like kids and despite the seemingly obvious connection, I wasn't bullied as a child. Sure, I was called names and can no longer wear striped vests because of some mean comments, but I wasn't scarred. Mostly, in middle school I blended in. Or when I turned sideways I disappeared, so that helped. But seeing kids being picked on, bullied or emotionally abused really makes me want to cry. I feel extremely bad for them and sympathize/empathize (whichever one works here). While I write this I do remember being chased on the playground by some older boys who wanted to steal my bike and being so terrified. It's all coming back now. Maybe I was bullied as a child. Uh oh.

2) elderly people working menial jobs well beyond their retirement years

More often than I'd like I see elderly people working at the following places: Walmart, McDonalds, Tim Hortons, grocery stores...it breaks my heart. These people have worked their whole lives and deserve their time in the sun. I can't imagine that they work there because they want to (although I could be wrong - pah!) so they are put in this position due to their financial situation and that is so upsetting. Old people should be lawn bowling, dancing to fiddle music and meeting at the mall with their Golden Oldies gangs. To see them pushing a dozen shopping carts or serving me my donut is unfair. The only exception is when I see older people as school crossing guards. This seems okay and that they enjoy it.