Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Queen of the Animal Kingdom

The animal kingdom is after me. Quietly and slowly, they are collectively freaking me out.

Incident #1:

Walking into work, blissfully unaware that my boss had set up a racoon trap the night before, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw this. I was so startled that I definitely yelped. They just stared up at me, shaking and smelling awful. How stupid are these animals?! That trap was made for one garbage dweller, not two. But, dummy sees his friend in there and now I've got two startling me when I haven't even digested my breakfast yet.
Incident #2:

Again with the breakfast, but as I busied myself making a nutrious, wholesome meal and/or cereal, I glanced down and, a mere inch from my foot, was a dead mouse. In the middle of the floor?!? How did that happen? I didn't even know I had mice. Did he have a heart attack? Was it a mouse fight? What causes a mouse to die out in the open like that? Suicide? I don't really care, just looking for a way to reduce the early morning gasps.

Incident #3:

Ok, this one might be somewhat my fault. I looked out my window last night and saw this ferret-like animal slinking around. Then I noticed it had a chip bag on its head. Ok, that's just funny. So, I ran outside with my camera and followed it into the street. I think it was a cat and I couldn't stop laughing at it. I tried to get close to free him, but remembered a story I heard about some girl being punctured in the wrist by a crazy cat. So, I just sorta followed it around, trying to get the courage to help it. It fell off the curb and walked into a telephone pole. I'm sure it made it through the night. Who are these people trying to sell us on cats being really intelligent? How stupid do you have to be? I know, I'm awful, but it was really, really funny.

1 comment:

  1. For your sake, I hope Douglas Adams isn't right; if the animals are in charge, you're screwed!