Sunday, March 27, 2011
Following in our streak of wearing other people's shoes, we all went bowling. Ok, so not really new, but still fun. My favourite part was giving everyone bowling monikers. Ashley, lover of all things Harry Potter/LOTR was christened "Bowldermort".
Chris and Susan brought their own balls and shoes and wiped the floor with us. I did not live up to my Hambone nickname. I fear it might have been a fluke. April brings promise of trampolining and indoor sky diving....looking forward to when we can tackle outdoor activities.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I soon learned that it was based on a novel by Kyle Smith, who, while an entertaining writer, really doesn't jive with the image in my head of the main character. Especially not since CBS has plunked Tom Cavanagh in my brain. This is Kyle Smith:
I was sent his book by a friend after I mentioned my obsession with the show (love this sort of considerate attention-paying) and it's become one of my go-to books when I don't have anything new on the go. It's quite good and here are a few examples of the writing that sum up his style. Very sharp.
"Bran doesn't carry a chip on her shoulder; she carries it in her hand, so she can jab you with it."
"I piece myself together uncertainly. 'Suave,' says my shampoo. 'All-purpose solution,' says my contact lens cleaning fluid. 'Total control,' says my styling gel. 'Cool,' says my antiperspirant. I am not living up to the expectations of my toiletries."
- eat the apple instead of the delicious cupcake
- slow down and stop speeding (that one was necessitated by radar sighting)
- eat the cucumber but don't eat the dip
- don't say something snarky just because you have the chance
- don't take that personally, because it's probably not about you
- instead of using your extra 10 minutes in the morning to experiment with eyeliner, which will inevitably result in raccoon eyes, go out and shovel
Happy with my small decisions and the motto running through my head, I told my teacher friend Naomi about it. She laughed and said, "That's exactly what my principal tells the kids on the PA system every morning - 'make better choices'. They're 6 years old!"
This stupid poster comes to mind:
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I should learn to be leery of sports that require knee pads.
We went to the club for about 20 minutes (since a real life Douchebag-Off was in full swing with no sense of irony) and even up against my Popeye cigarette their sunglasses in the dark were the trashiest accessory.
To clarify, I am not the Devil. I enjoy friendliness, easy conversation with strangers and occasionally dole some out myself. I like small talk just fine and my cheeks are accustomed to smiling. But I feel that if you can't do these things while simultaneously doing your work, you're jamming up my day. If you have to stop scanning an item or typing a figure into the computer in order to talk to me, I'd happily do without the talking. Multi-task people!
Is it just me or is no one else wearing seatbelts in taxicabs? Why is this? Somehow when I step into a cab I figure myself invincible. Like I'm in an impenetrable iron bubble that smells like take-out. I never wear a seatbelt. I mean, I will now. Probably. Now that I've thought about it, I guess.
It's like school buses - how is it not mandatory that kids have to be strapped in? Are they just not going fast enough or is it that they're big and yellow so what kind of moron would you have to be to run into one? Or limousines - I don't even think they have seatbelts in them. Interesting. Sort of.
It is just me or is this not the most beautiful brunch? Hmm, okay maybe the picture doesn't do it justice but it really brightened up my morning.
Monday, March 21, 2011
For last year's party I swiped a couture gown from a make-up artist's studio and only now when I look at the pictures, do I realize it was mostly see-through. I had spent the day quitting a job I loved more than any other job and "breaking up" with a boss who made my Hamilton to Toronto commute worth it. Teary-eyed, I rushed home with 15 minutes to spare then had to sashay through a supermarket in this frock in search of Brie. The dress weighed about 20 lbs - all sequins and fringe.
This year I was on a ski weekend and rushed home with bruised limbs and had just enough time to grab this mink coat that was given to me - surprisingly not as a joke. The tag says mink, but I'm pretty sure it's actually squirrel. It is the inspiration and piece de resistance for my upcoming Hallowe'en costume - finally, some prep time. I also threw on this butterfly sequin top thing that Dru convinced me to buy at a garage sale because she had the exact same one. What are the chances?
Of course, none of these outfits tops the rash-inducing actual world pageant submission of 2009, seen here:
2009 Oscar Party
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
This one came and went without my knowledge:
Listening to it, I figured out why. It's awful. Almost as bad as the cover art suggests. The funny thing I've noticed about Mariah Carey is that the lyrics in her songs are filled with words I'm pretty sure she doesn't use in real life. I'm also not convinced she knows their meanings.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Today the game created this gem: "Open up men's pyjamas conveniently"
In other radio news, CHUM FM vows to play "Lady Gaga, Mariah Carey and everything in between!!" Um, who exactly would be in between these two extremes in musical stylings? Katy Perry? They're really limiting their range with that statement.
My disproportionately fat fingers have once again caused people to think I am engaged. I usually try to wear the ring on my middle finger, but eventually it begins to cut off my circulation so I move it to my fourth finger. Three times in the last month someone has presumed I am betrothed to someone. Betrothed to bacon, more like. It's a lifelong union. We're very happy together.
I recently read a survey where 86% of those questioned said that if they had the choice, they wouldn't remove a bad memory. I'm not sure I would say the same. Yeah, you can play the whole "everything, even bad things, molds us into the person we are today" thing, but I can think of a couple memories that I, the person I am today, could do without.
Big stuff aside, do you ever say or do something that makes you cringe in embarrassment when you think about it? One that always comes to mind is from a job interview during library school. After the interview went alright and I somewhat convinced them that I would be a keen and capable librarian, we all stood up and they ushered me out. As they shook my hand, they said something like, "Thanks for coming, it was great to meet you." - normal stuff. I don't know what was going through my head, but I must have still been nervous or relieved that it was almost over and I somehow I ended up shaking the interviewer's hand while saying, "There ya go!" There. Ya. Go. Not even 'you', but definitely 'ya' - like some back woods farmer who just gave a bale of hay to a horse. These were the last words I said at this interview. There ya go. Like they should be so pleased that I'm allowing them to shake my hand. Sort of what I imagine the Pope thinks when people kiss his insignia ring.
And of course, in true personal fashion, I can't leave it alone, I need to try and 'fix' it. I ran into the interviewer in the hallway later and while he might have already forgotten or maybe not even noticed, I brought it to the forefront of his mind again by sheepishly apologizing for it. There was no way to explain it so I tried to be charming instead.
I didn't get the job.
Every single time I remember this, I wince with emotional pain. Brutal.