Monday, June 29, 2009


Why is the entire ad campaign for Coors Light centred around the fact that it is cold? When in fact, making the beer cold is my job. And really, does the temperature affect the taste? It's so inane.

I saw a dead rat in the middle of the highway. How? Why?

One of my favourite things about commuting is seeing those big farm trailers on the highway filled with pigs or sheep or cows. It makes me laugh when I see a pig's snout pushing out those little holes. Then it makes me want a ham sandwich.

Gift certificates. I love them (Hello? Free money!) but I don't seem to know how to use them. Instead, I stockpile them in a little Baggie O' Freebies until they either expire or until I find something really worthwhile to spend them on. My rationale is that perhaps there will be a time when I will be more broke than I am right now. This is neither healthy nor true and yet I still have a hard time letting them go.

Status of Unrequited Crush

Yeah, that's over. Or at least I'm trying to move past it. Turns out he's a workaholic and while it's perhaps not the worst of the 'aholics', there is something really not sexy about someone who doesn't know when to stop working.

*clean segue into career talk*

I've been thinking a lot lately about My Brilliant Career. I've never really known what I wanted to do. All through high school when my friends were talking about becoming lawyers (never happened, by the way) or accountants (absolutely did happen) or even models (pah!) I was floundering around. I went to university because that's what you're supposed to do and then fell into a menial administrative job.

Then, seemingly on a dare or to fulfill a fantasty (yeah.) I went and got a Masters degree in the Art of Being a Librarian. During the program I was bored out of my mind, but still thought I could make it work and at least I had some direction.

Fast forward to today and I am not a librarian, although I still use it as a pick up line - works every time. I am working in event planning at a small company with people I adore. It fits me to a tee, but I need to figure out a way to make it a full-fledged, move-out, be-a-grown-up career.

While I work that out, I like to daydream about other jobs that I would like to do. And of course, I mean for only a week or two, before the reality set in.

- mail carrier
Pros: walk around all day, alone, getting exercise, listen to music
Cons: small yappy dogs, rain, uniform - my legs don't hold up well to shorts and hiking boots

- hotel housekeeper
Pros: I really like to clean and restore order, I like little toiletries, could watch tv while I work, could take any money I find, right?, chocolates
Cons: used condoms, vomit, making someone else's bed, people stealing things off my cart

- FedEx delivery driver
Pros: drive around all day, alone, everyone loves to get packages, they'd always be happy to see me, I like to drive a big truck with a full size door
Cons: I fear the uniform would be brown and again with the shorts and boots, heavy lifting

Perhaps I should just stick with what I'm doing, where if I actually did wear brown shorts and boots to work I would surely be fired.

The Supermarket

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted. I've been swamped at work with some very cool events (pictures to follow). I'm finally taking a couple days off and my reintroduction to society is going quite well.

June has been a month of birthdays and I've been cooking large family dinners recently - salmon, paella, shrimp...and countless desserts. I've always loved baking, but am starting to enjoy cooking.

Grocery shopping will always remain as one of my favourite things to do. I used to love being introduced to new things when The Chef and I would go. I was always amazed at what he would do with the ingredients. When I shop, I usually take my recipe book with me and rarely stray from the instructions - I'm not that confident yet. Although I did go a little crazy and substitute red peppers for yellow peppers.

The produce section is naturally the best part - I feel so yuppie and urbane as I pretend to know how to check for a ripe avocado and as I read the labels to determine how locally grown the tomato is.

Is Hamilton that much of a hick town that I can't find saffron and fresh cooked lobster? I was pissed, and even though I love my aunt, I wasn't about to spend $45.50 on frozen lobster for the paella. If I lived in the Hamptons like my beloved Barefoot Contessa, I would have no problem. And what the heck is Pernod?

Whenever I pool my pennies to go to a supermarket with frills, I always enjoy using the self-checkout. It reminds me of when I was young and would play cashier (I always had high career aspirations). The satisfying *beep* and the art of packing the bags - I try not to smile widely as I do it. If only I could request a 'clean up in aisle three'.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The unrequited crush

Ok, I've struggled with the fact that I am indeed arrogant enough to say the following line, but here goes: when I decide to have an honest-to-goodness crush on someone, I am a little bit shocked when they are able to resist my charms.

It's like that line on Sex and the City: "Am I not as attractive as I think I am?" What is going on? Doesn't he realize that I've decided to project my crush energies in his direction - why does he seem to be oblivious? What happens now is that I'm in a perpetual 10th grade state. When you like someone and they don't know you exist? I'm looking at you, Mr. Welsh. When school was just an excuse to pass by his locker while hoping not to trip. (I was a gangly, all-limbed teenager - tripping was a constant risk.)

Argh - it's super frustrating. I have two choices: to step it up (which I fear may include going to the gym or pretending to be interested in snowmobiles) or give it up (which is the easier-said-than-done option). Blah.

3 Events for Three Events

Crazy week ahead with work - three major events, one of which will get us major press. What does one wear to a $75000/table gala? Or more accurately, what does one wear who won't actually be dining at aforementioned table, but instead will be setting up the spacey Barbarella decor and probably ducking out for a Big Mac while Mark McEwan serves up....well, I don't know, but likely something that is not a Big Mac.

The theme is White Hot, but I'm thinking Black Subtle is the way to go - plus I need something I can move sofas in. It's so strange going to all these VIP events and yet really being a total outsider. We will drink champagne and schmooze with the best but really we're thinking of all the work that is ahead when the last limousine has pulled away.

Another event we're doing next week is a wedding. This project has been my baby for the last six months and I've loved every minute. I think this kind of work fits me to a tee. Yes, yes, I'm Jennifer Lopez, except without the atrocious powder blue suit and that awful Jimmy Choo line.

The bride and groom are more friends than clients so I think it will be a lot of fun. It reminds me of my golf club days where technically we were working, but we spent most of the time drinking, dancing and hitting on cute groomsmen.

Lisa Raitt

Ok, am I the only one who doesn't think this whole "sexy isotope" Lisa Raitt scandal is that big a deal? Granted, I've only read one small article, but I still don't see why it's been blown up so big.

I am not saying that politicians (or real people, for that matter) should be flippant about cancer, however, I kind of agree with her comment. Hot button issues are sexy. They get press, people care about them, as George Constanza puts it: they've got cache, baby! So, if she wants to admit that the issue is sexy and that she's looking forward to getting credit for fixing the problem, what's wrong with that? It is and she will.

I would never misinterpret her comment as a lack of compassion for cancer patients. She's not a stranger to losing loved ones to cancer and while this doesn't make her immune from criticism, I think we're persecuting her a little too much.

If everything I said was subject to inspection by the masses, particularly things I say in private, know, bad things would happen.

Monday, June 8, 2009


My sheets were out on the clothesline this past weekend and a bird crapped on them. Yeah.

Why did apple juice never take off as a cocktail mix? Gin and apple juice anyone?

Discovering what lurks behind someone's bed and in the back of their closets will pretty much eliminate a budding crush. Moving their furniture into the middle of the room for the painters unearths things that girls just shouldn't see.

Where does all the anger come from? After a completely blissful day that included with a 3 hour nap on the porch swing in the afternoon it was still possible for me to get completely angry over something that some people would find trivial. I still maintain that it was a legitimate reason to be annoyed, but why can't I let it go? Half of it is a 'bit' but the other half is me really mad. I have to stop ruining things and simmer.

Trivia opponents beware: Kevin and I have begun our trivia summer school. We're brushing up and getting better. There will be no stopping us.

Summer Goals 2009

I am a person who enjoys making lists. I enjoy crossing things off my list even more. Sometimes I'll make lists with items like: make bed, shower, wear pants, or eat cereal just so I can cross them off.

I have created a list of things to do during Summer 2009.

- go to the batting cages (I have a sneaking suspicion that while I am not very strong, I have a incredible sense of hand-eye coordination. No, really.)

- drink as much pink lemonade as possible

- go to Dairy Queen at least once every two weeks (would every week be too much?)

- have a picnic in the park (last summer Naomi and I befriended a ballsy squirrel)

- Beats, Breaks & Culture Fest at Harbourfront Centre with Katy (I expect it to be reminiscent of this hip hop sneaker pimp thing I went to in Ottawa with a friend who was way more street than I am. I stood out.)

- see "Julie vs. Julia" with Katy in August

- spend an entire day shopping up and down Queen Street - from Parliament to Lansdowne.

- visit the Toronto Zoo

- drive to Saugeen Bluffs, the best Ontario beach I have ever been to

- read "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and "Love In The Time Of Cholera"

- wear as many dresses as possible. 2009 is the summer of dresses. 2008 was shorts and 2007 was skirts. Obviously.

This is an ongoing list. I'm so glad summer is here and I can't wait to get started.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Summer Project

The only good thing about finding out that LCBO has stolen my (fine, our) idea for an alcohol and mix traveller is that it came with a cocktail recipe book.

We have three months to conquer each drink. I'm sure it will only take 16 or 17 days, but just in case we procrastinate and slide back to our regular cocktails, it's good to have the buffer. There are approximately 25-30 drinks in the book.

This past weekend we tried the following drinks and I took a picture of what they should look like beside how they actually turned out. So far, 50% success rate.

Blueberry Collins

Absolut Fuzzy

It's a meaty read...

These women??

I've been watching 30Rock recently and although it is completely clever, hilarious and should not be missed, it's made me think of something. Liz Lemon is the main character, the comedic heroine. Yes, she's funny, successful, smart as a whip and endearing, but besides that, she's a bit of a mess. She's sloppy, dresses like a style-challenged teenage boy, is frequently late, always has lettuce in her hair, is clueless about men - she's all over the place.

Then I thought about Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The City. Sure, she's stylish, but she's a wreck too. Always late, disorganized, messy (I guess), at times dysfunctional and completely self absorbed - her life is often in disarray.

And what about Bridget Jones? Super messy, slobby, terrible fashion sense, constantly late, always getting into jams, no skills with men, boozehound - reading her diary is like reading something a hangover would write.

Sure, these women and their foibles make them highly entertaining and amusing. But why are they great to watch - because we're secretly happy we've got it more together than them? Would it be so wrong to have female television lead characters that are organized, clean, polished and put together? Women who do the following things:

- write thank you cards
- bring an umbrella if it looks like rain
- make their bed every morning
- get up on time and eat breakfast

Although it may seem like it, I'm not suggesting that I do all these things or that I'm the picture of put togetherness. But why do women have to be all over the place to be funny?

All that aside, I think the name Lemon is what I will call my future dog. Unless it seems too much like he's defective. Hmm.