Zu Can't-Get-Me-To-Go-There-Again Bar

Sometimes, a Saturday night just doesn't turn out the way you thought it would. I had to strike 2 crystal chandeliers from a wedding for work. In Milton. At 1am. No one ever said event planning was glamourous. Well, certainly I haven't.

So, I decided to kill some time by shaking my tail feather with some friends at a birthday bash. It was being held at a club I had previously sworn off - Zu Bar. Have you been to this club - it's awful, but I fear I would have thought it was amazing when I was 20. Sigh.

I was tired, cold and cranky - really, the optimal mood for clubbing, but tried to make the best of it. During TIFF, I found this cool satin jacket that had been left behind (I like to think it was left behind by Jennifer Connelly or Megan Fox - just because). I claimed this jacket as my own and wore it Saturday night. In my hast to add another jacket to my obese closet, I neglected to recognize that the jacket was XS and I am not.

By the time we by-passed the line (yes!) it was cutting into the flesh of my arms and I definitely couldn't zip it up, lest I look like a pre-wrapped sausage unable to breathe. So, I pretended that I planned it that way and let out the sleeve zippers a little. The strap on my stilettos was hanging on by one leather strand and I had to walk gingerly to keep them on. What was I even doing out!?!

The crowd was awful - am I too old for this? Well, I'm definitely not douche-bag enough. I'm pretty sure I spent the 20 minutes we spent there eyeing everyone up and down then shaking my head. But I couldn't even cross my arms to signal my disgust because the sleeves would make me bleed! Every person in there must have had either an STD, a criminal record, a butterfly tattoo on their hip or a white shell necklace from Cancun circa 1997. So not my scene, even with my stupid jacket.

After we sufficiently felt too old, clothed and tall, we left. I happily got in my car, switched the last legs stilettos to coral loafers (my favourite, which I've just been informed should be retired - wha-?) and my favourite worn hoodie - emblazoned with "Librarians are the Shhhh!!!" on the back - big props to Kathleen for that gem.

I threw out the coat and merrily went on my way to Milton. So much happier, so much more dull. Meh, that's just the way it goes sometimes. And I'm okay with that.

For the record, and I mean it this time, I am never going to Zu Bar again. That is all.