Sunday, September 20, 2009

Text Hell

How did people date before cell phones? The period of time between the initial exchange of numbers to the first date (if you get there) is rife with interpretation of text messages. No one actually calls anymore, we just rely on texts because we're too afraid of the instant reply that is required on the phone. With texts, we can take minutes, hours or annoyingly, days to respond properly.

Especially if you don't know the person well, each letter of the text message is pored over and analyzed. Usually with girlfriends and wine.

- Ok, so he doesn't use shortforms like 'ur' or 'r' = add 1 point
- he takes at least 30 minutes to respond = deduct 1 point per hour
- he uses 'lol' or 'haha' = deduct 1 point unless the comment would have been offensive without it and he needs to use it because you don't know each other's sense of humour yet
- he makes emoticons using letters and punctuation = meh

It's all so ridiculous and a colossal waste of time. Nevermind about the time that goes into composing a text response. I'm pretty certain my group of girlfriends are not the only people caught up in this craziness - I've been there while men go through the same thing.

I can spend an entire Seinfeld rerun composing the perfectly clever, flirty, interesting text with no spelling mistakes and still not be sure that he'll get it because you don't know each other yet. And then, I can simply write "Yo" to someone else and it's sure to be interpreted as funny, sexy and inviting. Argh. The Texting Days are so frustrating...

When will the madness end? As annoying as it is, I'm an eager participant. I get very excited when my phone trills and I use the texts as evidence in the case for or against this guy being a weirdo. And I'm certain he does the same thing to my texts. The problem is that I don't think my sense of humour or love of puns come across well in only 160 characters. It's the same reason I don't speed date - I don't think I come across as likable very quickly. I'm an acquired taste, like...hmmm, everything I'm thinking of is something I actually don't like. Forget the example.

Wouldn't it be great if everyone we like could see us in our best possible situation? With the correct amount of time that is required to get a full introduction to the true you? With drinks around? And flattering lighting?

Ok, this post has been a nice distraction, but why isn't he texting me back!?!

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