Personal Evaluations

Any questions?

Personal evaluation time is always interesting. Honesty, humility and hard work are all put to the test. I am a big fan of making goals for myself and checking items off the list. Personal goals are a lot more entertaining than work ones. I have been making resolutions, goals and monthly To Do lists for years. Here is a sample of some of the more ridiculous:

- go horseback riding
- don't lock keys in car this year
- delete ___crush's name from 2001 inserted here___ voicemail on my cell. Finally!
- learn how to knit
- grow my nails
- be more discreet at work
- be more caring to others
- do 25 sit-ups each day
- join Scrabble club
- be on TV
- cut out mayonnaise
- figure out how the heck to play backgammon
- become ambidextrous
- try on a blond wig to see how I'd look
- ride a skateboard
- complete a Rubik's Cube
- pick up dropped change

As far as a personal evaluation goes for these items, I've been mildly successful with some and downright dismal with others.

I still have decades to achieve these, right?

Hess Ho

Hess Village.  For any Hamiltonian who has lived their young and stupid years here, this block of bars, clubs and patios has been the scene of many a messy night.

One club in particular, Koi, was my local haunt and even spawned a nickname for my group of dancing friends - the aptly and alliteratively named Koi Krew.  There was a period where we headed to Koi at any opportunity to dance, drink and strut around until we stumbled out for street meat and to watch the inevitable street fights that followed.

I haven't been to Hess Village after dark for a long time, instead preferring to take advantage of their patio collection on summer afternoons and happy hours.  There are fewer eighteen year old idiots learning how to drink and forgetting how to be useful members of society.  I fully recognize that I was once that idiot, although never at eighteen, and that I will one day look at people my current age and lambast them for being dumb thirty year olds who think they know everything.  So it goes.

Anyway, I was driving down Hess Street the other day and saw this advertisement on a bar that seems to be eternally under construction:

Is this not the saddest example of marketing you've ever seen?  Who decided this was a good image to promote their establishment?  It's like you have drunk goggles on when looking at it.  This girl looks like she had too many Singapore Slings and is waiting for her more sober friends to help her stumble home.  She may or may not have just thrown up.  To dudes looking to seal a deal by 2am, this girl is the definition of "low hanging fruit".  She looks about one well placed, "Hey girl" away from going home with a mistake.

Dear Ora (also - terrible bar name): with this marketing strategy, you will be attracting the worst of the drunken worst.  Seriously, fire whoever advised this and take it down immediately.  Put up literally ANY other image.  You should be embarrassed.

Sure, some of us have been this girl at one point or another, but I guarantee none of us would want photographic evidence of it.  To my friends in particular, I thank you for your continued respect of the privacy agreement we have in place regarding such images that may exist.

A Recap

Life has run away with me again, leaving me with no time to blog.  But I have exactly one hour before I leave to go on a bus tour to Pittsburgh with 25 young professionals to see what lessons can be learned from that city's transformation from steel hub to creative centre, so I will fit in what I can.

Let's see what I can cover.

Family Wedding - this was the first wedding for either side of my family and all the cousins were in attendance.  It was great fun, but there was this photographer who was completely ridiculous - he kept laying down in the aisles, nearly resting his head on the father of the groom's lap and just being all around awkward.  You can't really tell from this picture, but that's his foot in the aisle - he's full on lying down.

 

-------------------------------------------

The raccoons have been wreaking havoc on my lawn - apparently in the search for grubs that are wreaking havoc on my lawn roots.  Awesome.  I've been told that human hair, cayenne pepper or these other bugs will fix the problem.  Sounds like I just need the eye of a newt and the potion should be complete.

 -------------------------------------------

My beloved dollhouse that I time-share with my friend Dru has finally made it back into my possession.  I think our arrangement must be that she gets it for two and a half years, then I do.  It's so awesome - vintage, from Eatons in the 60s...I have more fun with it than a 31 year old should.

 

Come ON with the teeny tiny New York Times!  There's something about small things that really appeals to me.  I'm not sure why, but a regular sized copper tea kettle is only a fraction of how interesting a teeny tiny copper tea kettle is.

-------------------------------------------

 

I thought this ad was pretty clever.  At first you think it's just for some sort of skin product, but then you read closer...

 

...and you realize it's for the Hamilton airport.  Well done.

-------------------------------------------



My major work conference has been monopolizing a lot of my time lately and my kitchen became delegate bag central last week.

-------------------------------------------

I hate to sound like an old lady, and I know that the music festival Coachella is the most absurd, hippie, hipster place to be, but what are the kids wearing these days?!  You LOOK RIDICULOUS.

Seriously, look at this guy.  No, look again.  Sigh.

-------------------------------------------

Dodgeball is over for another season.  We came in second place in our division and were undefeated for every game but one.  We have improved an incredible amount since our first season and I think we have a strong and cohesive team now.  It has been my favourite thing of the week, hands down.  I love the nervous feeling I get on Thursday afternoons as I get ready for the game.  And win or lose, it's always such an adrenaline rush.  And now, I have a hat to show for it, which I will wear proudly.

Ok, I'm off to Pittsburgh now - I am preparing myself for cheese steaks.  Oh, wait, that's Philadelphia.  Nevermind.

Bored of the Ring

The first Saturday of spring, and a sunny one at that.  How should it be spent?  Hiking, clearing out winter debris from the yard, strolling in the park?  Sure, or you could do what six of my friends and I did and spend it indoors taking in an all-day Lord of the Rings marathon.  Believe me, this was not my first choice, however, I have bossed them around for years, so it's my turn to be agreeable.

Everyone else was pretty keen and also shocked that I have only seen one of the three movies.  So, we descended on our friend Kit's awesome home (with insanely tall doors!) and turned the living room into couch city with air mattresses, pillows , Snuggies and blankets.  No one seemed to get when I kept yelling, "The floor is lava!" which was a frequent phrase from childhood fort days.  Does anyone else get it?

We started around 10am and didn't leave until after midnight, bleary-eyed and exhausted.  If I saw one more battle scene, I would have lost it.  These movies just aren't my cup of tea, but the good news is that I get to pick the next movie marathon day.  First off, it won't be for several years, but I'm thinking Ocean's 11, 12 and 13?  What else has three movies that I would want to subject them to?  And don't say Back to the Future or anything with the word "Star" in the title.

We did take several breaks during disc changes for awesome food, including a thematic stew, a walk to the end of the block, and a random pellet gun activity.  We were trying to hit the cherry tomato on this gnome's head.  We failed.

Of course it was a great day to just hang out with my friends and for me, it's the true test of friendship - if the day can be filled with orcs, elves, wizards and this annoying stare:

...and I still have a good time, that means I have great friends.  Plus it was great to see this handsome fella again.  Every time I see him I'm wearing a Snuggie...

Pong Party

The last couple years my friends and I have spent the month of March doing new things we've never done before.  Our activities have included rock climbing, go-karts, segway tours, and trampolining.  This March, we got a bit of a slow start but last weekend we tried ping pong at Spin in Toronto.  It's basically a bar/club with ping pong tables - a creation of Susan Sarandon.

It was pretty fun, but I found we only needed the hour we booked.  No one is very good and it's so chaotic that we were just trying to hit the ball, rather than play a game properly.  The beauty of it is that you get a bucket of balls to just go to town with and there is a "ball boy" who goes around and picks up the errant balls.  I haven't played since high school in a friend's basement - where all ping pong tables live - and it was a fun little activity.

 

 

 

 

 

48 Hours in PEI

Have you ever been to PEI?  I've now been there three times, twice in the past year.  It's a very small place, in both size and influence, but what it lacks in excitement, it makes up for in hospitality. The people there are some of the most friendly and welcoming I've ever encountered.

I was there last week for a work site visit for an upcoming conference and in my hotel suite, I was greeted with candy and lemonade, after a random comment weeks before revealed I enjoy these treats. 

I was wined and dined and even welcomed into my host's home while I awaited my flight.  This flight, by the way, in boarded by actually walking down the runway to the plane.  It's almost like visiting a small Caribbean country.  Almost.

I was also gifted with the obligatory Anne of Green Gables hat and made to pose all around the airport:

 



The bangs stuck straight out.  The hat is now here at home and I don't know what to do with it.  Although, it's better than the other hat I wore during the visit:

I was also lucky enough to see the most ridiculous jacuzzi tub in one of the finer hotel suites.  Seriously, PEI, you're so cute.

 

 

Ad Absurdum

You probably can't get a true sense of this First Ontario ad, and how ridiculous this man looks, but it cracks me up.  His stance is so random.  He's a doctor in Hamilton, I think a chiropractor, and whoever decided on this look for the ad is off the wall.  It's very strange.  Although, I guess some would say it's a successful ad since I'm talking about it and keep mentioning it to people.  Hmm.

The Melissa Manifesto Vol. II

The Melissa Manifesto - The 30 Decade

Vol. II

I BELIEVE....

- That people should see guests out and not close the door until they're out of sight.

- "I would love to come" are five of the best words.

- In having music playing when people are coming over.

- In handwritten cards.

- In nights/events where the entire world is doing/watching the same thing (New Years Eve or Olympics).

- That eating at the bar is usually better than eating at a table.

- In Joshua Jackson.

- In two armed hugs.

- In walking a little further for free parking.

- In second dates being one of the best social interactions of all time.

Plenty of Bleak

It seems like it has been a long time since I have blogged (read: complained) about the online dating scene. Well, today after being inundated by more stupidity than I can handle, it is time.

Here is a snapshot of what sort of messages you can expect as a single woman on an online dating site (verbatim from my Inbox):

- "Sure, you can bowl, but have you ever done MSN Live Bowling – that is the question."

- "wanking about on some dodgy foreign web site. wouldn't you like to know mate . well surf away , surf surf , and bloody surf & Travel, travel heaps of fun, been to too many bloody places, love the planet. Not to mention a schooner of carlton draught and fair go mate. .Aussie Aussie Aussie OI OI OI , Thank god for the best place on earth. Fairdinkum"

- "hey there, you look familiar, were you ever in a porno?"

-“Hi.”

Reading their profiles also reveals lots of gems that make me consider joining the nunnery.

- "I'm a real laddies man"  So, I'm presuming this is a gay man or a bad speller.  Neither is what I'm looking for.

- "$$$$$$$$$"  That was his entire profile.

- "Life is for living." Commence eye roll.

- "I won't bite...unless you want me to." Continue eye roll.

And I don't mean to be judgemental (ha), but I'm also not interested in dating the following:

- grandfathers

- men who post pictures of themselves with their multiple rabbits

- men who have dressed up as Spock for three Hallowe'ens in a row

- men who list "walking" as an interest - really?

- any of these guys:

 

I'm sorry, but are they living in some sort of alternative universe where we would be a match?

Ryan Costanza

The other night I was looking at pictures and came across this one, which I'd seen a dozen times before.  But I now realized how hilarious it is.  This is our group in the Dominican Republic for Ryan and Julie's joint Bachelor/ette trip.  The group is all happy and smiley:

Then you notice the creeper in the background. The creeper is Ryan.

I can't stop laughing at this.  He looks all suspicious and weird-o so far away from us, watching us get our picture taken together.  It reminded me of that hilarious Seinfeld episode (nearly everything can be linked back to a Seinfeld episode) where George gets caught in a family beach photo for a potential boss and tries to get himself Photoshopped out.

 

I'm dying over here.