Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Hess Ho

Hess Village.  For any Hamiltonian who has lived their young and stupid years here, this block of bars, clubs and patios has been the scene of many a messy night.

One club in particular, Koi, was my local haunt and even spawned a nickname for my group of dancing friends - the aptly and alliteratively named Koi Krew.  There was a period where we headed to Koi at any opportunity to dance, drink and strut around until we stumbled out for street meat and to watch the inevitable street fights that followed.

I haven't been to Hess Village after dark for a long time, instead preferring to take advantage of their patio collection on summer afternoons and happy hours.  There are fewer eighteen year old idiots learning how to drink and forgetting how to be useful members of society.  I fully recognize that I was once that idiot, although never at eighteen, and that I will one day look at people my current age and lambast them for being dumb thirty year olds who think they know everything.  So it goes.

Anyway, I was driving down Hess Street the other day and saw this advertisement on a bar that seems to be eternally under construction:

Is this not the saddest example of marketing you've ever seen?  Who decided this was a good image to promote their establishment?  It's like you have drunk goggles on when looking at it.  This girl looks like she had too many Singapore Slings and is waiting for her more sober friends to help her stumble home.  She may or may not have just thrown up.  To dudes looking to seal a deal by 2am, this girl is the definition of "low hanging fruit".  She looks about one well placed, "Hey girl" away from going home with a mistake.

Dear Ora (also - terrible bar name): with this marketing strategy, you will be attracting the worst of the drunken worst.  Seriously, fire whoever advised this and take it down immediately.  Put up literally ANY other image.  You should be embarrassed.

Sure, some of us have been this girl at one point or another, but I guarantee none of us would want photographic evidence of it.  To my friends in particular, I thank you for your continued respect of the privacy agreement we have in place regarding such images that may exist.

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