Not quite the mass marketing we had in mind...

These shoes dominated my Saturday night. The obsession was out of control S.B.!

**the camera setting here is 'drunk'**

Things I Do Not Know

- What exactly is the protocol as a driver when encountering a funeral procession? Besides a solemn look on my face, is it enough to lower my music? Do I have to give their entire 48 car group the right of way?

-Why do the accents of most British singers disappear when they are singing? As an avid Spice Girls fan, I've listened to many hours of Brit singing and it virtually disappears. Why??

- When I'm driving down the highway and I see a tractor trailer filled with 15 new cars, why are there white protective stickers on only some parts of the cars? Like random places like the middle square of the driver door, or only half of the side mirrors?

- Is bad hair a date deal breaker?

WTF?

Seriously, if anyone can clue me into why this is funny, I will pay you $1.50. That's about all it's worth to me. Someone suggested it's meant to say "Oh what a goose I am". That is not funny. Please let there be a better reason why this would warrant inclusion in a nationally syndicated newspaper. Yes, I get that it's called Bizarro, but come on.

Barefoot Contessa

I have a bit of an obsession with this woman.

Barefoot Contessa (a.k.a Ina Garten)

She is a chef (I'm using this term very loosely - I know what a true chef looks like) on the Food Network and has 6 cookbooks and legions of fans. I am one of these fans. I discovered her years ago and have since amassed all cookbooks except one. It is one of my life goals to try each and every recipe she offers. So far, I'd say I'm about 8% through. But, hey, I still have at least....75% of my life left?

I like to describe her as a friendly and plump version of Martha Stewart. Actually I've never seen someone that more embodies the phrase 'pleasantly plump'. She oozes warmth and simple joy. She lives in the Hamptons with her husband who always act like they are on their honeymoon and they have no children (maybe this is part of the appeal?).

The kicker is that she's smart as well. She used to work at the White House doing policy and budgets or something. She uses phrases like, "How simple is that? I completely adore her.

However, my dedication to her methods caused me to put coffee grounds into some chocolate icing this weekend because it "brings out the flavour of the chocolate". It doesn't. Well, at least not when the grounds are not completely dissolved. Lesson learned. Many thanks to my friends for allowing me to experiment on them. Some hits, some misses, but I'm getting better.

Randomness

I spent the day with my mom yesterday and we descended upon Oakville for browsing and lunching. First, we went to her framer to finally get my degrees framed. Since 2002 and 2007 they've been collecting dust under my bed. Although, I guess you could say the MLS will continue to collect dust even once it's up on my wall. Seeing them matted and framed made me feel like a professor or a dentist. I like the idea of having them.

We checked out Whole Foods - for foodies, especially those of the organic persuasion, this place is utopia. It's like a museum for food. The produce is out of this world. I can't even imagine a place like this in Hamilton where, apparently, deli counters and basil are frills. I bumped into First Date Dude next to the mushrooms and although this was awkward enough, mom decided to hover and ram into me to "give me an opportunity to introduce her". I let this opportunity pass.

Last night was also the final trivia of the season. We are now on hiatus until October - mainly to allow our brains to rest, but also to allow for things to happen since we've covered almost everything since the beginning of time.

Happily I can report that our team won both Monday night and Tuesday night. We finally got the wings we've been coveting for weeks, Kevin pulled an incredible answer out of the depths of his mind and there were plenty of extra rounds to satisfy us for the long summer. I'll miss trivia, but like most things, it's always better when it is something to look forward to after a break.

All yellow? Really MA$E?

Remember MA$E? Didn't he quit the game and become a preacher or something? Perhaps I'm thinking of MC Hammer. Well, he's back. And it's clear he's spent the years since he was 'sittin' on top of the world' sitting at the buffets of the world. Chunky but in charge, I love this song. It could have something to do with the fact that it's a sunny spring day and I'm craving some pure, unadulterated sweetness, but it's all good. His voice is so distinctive and it takes me back. Back to Billy Bob's...ugh.

Try this at home, kids!

This guy I know (someone who cares not about dentistry whatsoever) showed me this trick the other day. From time to time I will attempt a high five and fail miserably - please, we've all been there. However, no more!

Try looking at the person's elbow as you high five them. Fool proof. We tried it countless times - you can't miss.

You're welcome.

I covet this dress...

Las Vegas 2009

Shari and I survived Vegas. I'm not sure if I can say that Vegas survived Shari and MelMac.

Sadly, of the 10 goals I made for my trip, I was only able to attain maybe 4 of them. I'll let you figure out which ones they are.

However, we were able to turn ourselves into Crazy Toupee Woman and Senor Melissa.

Vegas can be a very depressing place when the hangover melts away and you look around in the harsh reality of daylight. Three days is plenty there. I don't even think we ate anything during the first two days. It was mimosas for breakfast, pina coladas for lunch and vodka cranberries until we had to carry each other home.

Partying with a huge group of guys is the best way to do it. Bottle service, VIP, men in suits. It's all good. When we passed by the Bellagio and the fountain was going with 25 men surrounding us - it felt like a perfume ad. Eau de Vegas Vodka.

"Remember Me" by Diana Ross

This song was introduced to me by my fabulous boss Rob this past year. He wants this song to be played at his funeral. It's originally written as a break up song, but would be a great tribute. I love the idea of meaningful songs played at funerals instead of just hymns. Like in Love Actually.

Anyway, as I was listening to it again tonight with him, I listened to the words. It is almost (save for a few lines) the most perfect song to express the feelings after a break up. Or at least an amicable one. It has everything I wanted to say and is so nostalgic, yet positive. It is the kind of song that could easily send me into tears...of sorrow or joy, depending on my mood.

There are songs about almost every situation and every emotion, but I've been noticing a serious lack of songs that describe things people like me actually go through. Sure, I also go through "Love Sex & Magic" and "Poker Face", but where are the songs about:

- the excitement of a first date
- the thrill of a second date with someone you actually like
- the dread halfway through a date when you realize he isn't funny or all that interesting
- how most relationships are 75% text message based
- juggling friendship and nostalgia with an ex
- the delicate act of breaking up with a friend
- the Billot Log

Vegas baby!!!

I am headed for Las Vegas this weekend for some debauchery with my most debaucherous friend. A friend who just barely returned from Barcelona after living like a junkie for ten days. Clearly I will be taking the reins on this holiday and my first order of business is to create a list of goals for Vegas 2009.

1) do not get arrested

2) do not spend more than $150 in bail money if Shari gets arrested

3) eat at Fatburger again

4) pretend to gamble only long enough to get free drinks

5) cash out if I win more than $15 at any casino machine

6) be poolside for at least 45% of each day

7) do not see Criss Angel

8) dress like tart in order to get into clubs I can't afford

9) make flight home

I've been to Vegas before to see only the most incredible of musical groups with my most incredible friend Katy. It was a source of pride for us that we ate exclusively at Fatburger, IHOP, Denny's and buffets. However, that being said, perhaps a tenth goal should be added.

10) eat at least one vegetable each day. Celery stalk in caesar does not count.

This makes me so happy.

Now that I can embed clips, I'm finally able to share my favourite clip on the Internet. The entire Internet! I originally saw this clip on tv, so the quality was better and made it that much more amazing. But, hopefully you get the beauty from this. It makes me tear up every time I see it...it's all about the song. So beautiful. It makes me happy - if I could start each day watching this clip, the day would have a fighting chance to be perfect. If you're not moved, you have no soul. Sorry to tell you.

Flight of the Conchords - update

My brother just introduced me to Flight of the Conchords. Hilarious. Seriously, some of the quirkiest, funniest stuff I've seen in a long time. It reminds me of what Beautiful South would be like if they had a television show. It's got songs, but not to the point of annoyance. Plus it has awesome cameos, including Kristen Wiig, comedienne du jour.

Take a look at this clip - I've been watching it over and over to catch all the hilarity.



Lovely Michelle has helped me embed clips! Yay! Just need to figure out how to make it smaller. It's a work in prgoress.

Randomness

Trivia. Sigh. We started out strong last night, even in the comfy fireplace chairs. However, we lost it pretty quickly. I blame the lighting - it was all off. I have to get in the zone and everything has to be just right. No, the irony of the word 'trivia' and how seriously we take it is not lost on me.
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Today was a productive day - yearly physical and an accompanying tetanus shot. Seriously, why? Every 10 years? Does this really prevent anything - and am I really traipsing around rusty nail yards. Although, I could go for a Rusty Nail right now.

My doctor is pretty chill. He's from South Africa and I like to listen to his accent. His receptionist is a little too frosty for my taste, but she lets me take off my sunglasses when I'm getting weighed.
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After the doctor visit, I decided I needed a treat so I headed to the Vachon Factory Outlet. Yes, people, this does exist and it's worth the trip to Nash Road. Dentist be damned, I piled up my arms with Billot Logs and Flakies (all about $1.49 a box!) and then....brace yourselves....I saw a very interesting development in the boxed pastry arena.

Maple Billot Logs.

Yes. For those days when you want to feel a little more Canadian.
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I just watched "Tropic Thunder". I had heard really good things about this (Dru, I'm looking in your general direction) and was super disappointed. It was an enormous waste of time. If I hadn't already committed to a day of loafing around...

Birthdays - and too many pics, I know.

Ok, so I am planning another birthday. As an event planner, it sorta goes with the territory, but when it's for a friend and when it's a landmark birthday, there's added pressure. I'm looking into Toronto clubs and just got off the phone with Muzik.

Now, instantly, I don't want to go there because of the club's spelling, but I'll let it slide. I don't know if I've just been around Toronto insanity for too long, but their bottle service rates didn't sound that ridiculous. However, "Patricia" (way too normal a name to be working at this club - it must be Sequoia or Pachritia) just actually used the term "very L.A." to describe the VIP treatment. Not only that, but she used it to describe the chocolate chip cookies that are available. Sigh.

2008 was a year of big birthdays for my group. Almost every three or four weeks from April until September, there was a crazy blowout. They all have the same formula and are always a tonne of fun. Dinner, hotel, pre-drinking, party hats (yes, you have to wear them!), cake, drunken games, clubbing, Popeye ciggies, throwing up or falling down, and hangover breakfast. Classic elements.

Here are some pics from the Big Birthday Year.

Easter Contradiction

The Saturday night/Sunday morning flip. I've been familiar with this since drinking age kicked in and I was still a regular church goer. Now, I am only a C&E (a term I learned this weekend which means Christmas & Easter churchgoer) but I still have the ability to make the switch pretty successfully.

This past Saturday night I hit up the club with my two favourite dancing boys (honestly, guys, it's like watching a show with you two sometimes - I love it) and stayed out late - a night complete with accidentally terrorizing the elderly in their homes, devouring Brie, rockin' it in wool socks at Metro and ending up at Koi.

The following Sunday morning, a mere four hours later, I was gussied up in my Sunday finest to attend Easter church with my family. With my headache pounding and the blasted sun shining through my shades, I was still in fine form, having mastered the switch. Although, my skills must be slipping, because while my parents went for tea and conversation after the service, I retreated to the car to wait out the nausea.

It struck me halfway through the hymns that while I was singing by memory the words to "He Is Risen" and "Alleluia" that morning, I had been bustin' out a wicked version of "I Wanna F*#k You" and "Gold Digger" the night before. Huh.

All in all, my weekend had the best of both worlds. One included street meat and greasy 3am pizza and the other provided me with not one, but two, ham and scalloped potato dinners. Eating post-bar has a fend-for-yourself mentality - apparently Hamilton bar-adjacent restaurants run out of 'za. Or maybe they're just tired of dealing with drunks at 3:30 in the morning. Huh.

Eating at Grandma's also has that mentality though, since they manage to consume an entire meal in about 7 minutes flat. Before your fork is down, the table is cleared and dessert is plated in front of you. How do older people do that? What's the rush? After dinner, I realized what the rush is - the weather channel loop for their neighbourhood. If they miss it, they have to wait another 15 minutes.

India Alfredo

I saw the following news blurb on the City Pulse ticker tape yesterday.

"World's oldest woman turns 115 in L.A. Enjoys extra crispy bacon and sweets."

Is there anything better than that?

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Double dose of trivia this week, but only a single serving of victory pie.
Monday night, Kevin and I won, against all odds. Well, against the one obstacle that has been plaguing us in past weeks - the fireplace seats. Whenever we score these comfortable seats that bask in warmth, our trivia scores plummet. The heat turns our brains to mush.

But this week we came out on top, even though we accidentally answered the question:

"Which type of pasta is used the most in North America?"

with the answer:

India.

Yeah. Uh?

I am tired of hearing about:

- Twitter. I barely know what this is, but it's everywhere and super annoying. Yes, I know I write a blog, but if I ever become so self-involved that I think people care what I'm doing every minute of the day, someone stage an intervention.

- Rihanna and Chris Brown.

- Zac Efron

- Recession. Until this actually affects me in a real way, leave me out of it. I've always been thrifty and never really had money so not much is changing for me!

- Michelle Obama's style. Obviously, I adore her, but even I'm getting tired of hearing all about how she wears J. Crew to appeal to the masses and how she's revitalizing the White House. Snore.

- In the same vein, Jason Wu.

- Tax harmonization. Again, if someone would just explain how it will affect me in 15 words or less, that would be great. I may have to cut back on audio books for the blind.

Showin' the love...

Here are some pictures of LG Fashion Week. I think it's safe to say that every single thing you see, was a product of our involvement. We primarily did decor, but also handled walls, layout, signage, tent and of course, mannequin fondling.