Winnie Cooper Tells All

Today was my first day off since the blur that was LG Fashion Week and naturally I decided to spend it in the dentist's chair.

Things I hate about the dentist:

- the guilt about not flossing. Dentists do an incredible job of making a grown woman hang her head in embarrassment and admit that she "doesn't floss as much as she should." And we know we can't lie to them, they know! They always know....I think the blood gives it away.

- the blood

- when the dental hygienist wears glasses and you can see your mouth's reflection in her lenses. It adds another dimension when you can not only feel and hear the pain, but see it as well.

- the sharpening of the instruments and the fact that those instruments then go in your mouth.

- the grittiness left behind from the polish. Please. Polish? Give me a break.

- those cardboard pieces they stick in your cheeks for x-rays

- how my eyes water after I've been in the chair a while - it's not crying! It's gravity.

- the bill - this girl has no benefits (well, at least not those accepted by health practitioners) and I was shocked to find out that if I want to fix my 4 cavities (yes, 4, Peek Freans be damned) it will cost me $710!!!! If dentists want patients to floss, try telling them how much if will cost them if they don't! Speak to me in a way I'll hear you. Naturally, I haven't made that appointment yet.

**Does anyone know what exactly happens if cavities are left untreated?**
**More importantly, does anyone have $715 to spare? I'd like a sandwich too, please.**

Things I love about the dentist:

- the little sink beside my chair - how convenient would that be on those mornings of The Great Hangover?

- how the water fills up the cup and then stops right when it should.

- the heavy lead blanket thing they put on top of you when you get x-rays. It's the most action I've seen all week. It's like that Sex and the City Season 6 episode...you know the one.

- free toothbrushes