Makin' Bacon

I like bacon. Quite a bit. I can't think of any savoury food that would not be improved with the addition of bacon. Crispy, please.


So, when I first went to Chuck's Burger Bar on Locke Street I was quite surprised when I balked at the bacon burger. Not a beef burger with bacon atop, but a full patty made solely of bacon. Chopped up and formed, I suppose. For some reason, I couldn't do it.

But I persevered. Why do people climb Everest? Because it's there. While it took me three more visits to Chuck's before I could order it, I finally did, head high, challenge accepted.

This is how it arrived:


This is how it was when I threw in the towel:


It was quite awful. Really quite awful. It had a bouncy consistency and tasted like fat, not the smokey, crispy bacon I enjoy. It was like a grizzle cake. I ended up having to remove it and enjoy the bun, Brie and other toppings on their own. I thought I would feel like a failure, but really, just because you can, doesn't mean you should, Chuck's. I get why they offer it, but it's so bad.

It reminds me of one Christmas when I bought someone bacon flavoured envelopes and lip balm. Fail.

Speaking of pork, this advertisement baffles me:


This is the tactic the Pork Board is taking? And furthermore, there's even the need for a Pork Board? They have bacon, people! They don't need any public relations assistance. As long as people stay clear from bacon burgers, regular bacon is their golden ticket.

So, how exactly is this meant to encourage pork purchases? It "fits"? With my flip cell phone? Even I don't have one of those anymore. With my girls' nights out? Cosmopolitans, Manolo Blahniks and sausage links - a natural combination. With buying a house? Unless I am moving next door to a slaughterhouse, I'm not too concerned with pork and its production when I'm considering knob and tube wiring and whether the house comes with its own recycling boxes. With getting married??!! Sure, whether or not they like bacon will certainly be a determining factor in my mate selection, but the two in this ad look a little too smug. What - did they invent bacon? Everyone knows Francis Bacon did that. You know, and empiricism.