Sunday, February 7, 2010


Homeownership Day One = Hell.

I have learned a lesson. When viewing a potential property, stop looking at the room sizes, floors, wiring, plumbing - look at the dirt that I will have to clean!

Yesterday I spent the entire beautiful day cleaning. But not really cleaning, more like disaster restoration. The scum, grime and filth was caked on every single surface. Every surface! I'm talking walls, ceilings, handles, taps, tiles - even the dead mouse in the basement was filthy.

Armed with four hours of SB's help, tacos, Timbits, two pairs of rubber gloves and gumption, I did my very best. Here is how it broke down:

- crying fits = 1
- gagging and dry heaving fits = 8
- mutilated sponges = 6
- ripped rubber gloves = 2
- Timbits consumed = 22
- times SB exclaimed "It smells like a wet dog wearing a dirty diaper who fell in mud!" = 3
- bottles of Scrubbing Bubbles = 4
- sprained wrists = 1

I kept wondering who could live like this? But I figured it out, the previous tenants must have been a pack of wild bears. I think they used the walls as scratching posts.

They must have rented out the walls to woodpeckers, because I have never seen so many nail and screw holes in my entire life. I am not exaggerating when I say there were an average of 9 holes per wall. What were these bears hanging?

How much does a pair of maids cost? Which is more important: maids or mortgage? Serious consideration. Aargh.

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