You're driving me crazy!!!

Ok, seriously, I have had it up to here (you know, somewhere up there, above...things) with this new cell phone ban. As a frequent commuter, I use my car time to catch up with people that I don't want to waste my real time talking to. I joke, Naomi, I joke. Call ya later.

From Ford Drive to my driveway is valuable time for me. Now, I'm stuck with the radio and my own thoughts, both of which have been consumed by Lady Gaga lately. Hmm. My phone is so ancient that it is not Bluetooth equivalent. In fact, someone once joked that if I take a picture with my cell I have to take it into Black's for overnight developing. Har.

I am stuck surrepitiously trying to text or holding the phone in lap while yelling, which is pointless as there is no speakerphone feature. Depending on the traffic, it is often more efficient to mail someone a letter when I leave Toronto.

I'd like to know the specifics of this stupid "law". If I'm at a stop light, does that count? What about snail traffic? Or what if I hide the phone under my hair so the cop isn't quite sure?

And, above all, as if using my cell phone is more hazardous or distracting than any of the other things I do while driving. I am a multi-tasker to the core (in fact, right now I am both painting my toenails and judging you) so I don't let driving deter me from the tasks at hand.

Over the past 7 days, I have done the following while driving (Mom, please stop reading now):
- counted my Canadian Tire money stash - $27.50 And, yes, shut up, I collect this happily.
- driven entirely with my knees while eating a submarine sandwich with two hands
- switched gears with my elbow just to see if I could do it. I couldn't really.
- read 3 chapters of a book, ironically called "This Book Will Save Your Life"
- changed my shoes, earrings and shirt - I think my chin was in control of the wheel for a spell there

It is my feeling that before lawmakers created this rule all willy-nilly like, they should have required that drivers take a test to determine who requires the law and who is just all-around awesome. The parallel to parallel parking could be manoeuvering the drive-thru or doing the slalom through construction pylons. Just a suggestion.

Either way, they are only giving out warnings for the first three months, right?