Monday, August 13, 2012

The Tooth Hurts

Have you seen a Will Ferrell movie lately?  Tonight I went to see "The Campaign" and perhaps it was because I was sitting only four rows up, but I kept being distracted by his bottom teeth.  Have you ever noticed them? 

They're brutal.  I think I kept getting distracted because while I had to endure the childhood rite of passage of full braces, I fear my bottom teeth are running amok since all the wires were removed.  I still have a wire on the back of my top teeth, but for some reason, the wire was removed from the bottom.  Over the years one of the teeth has started to shift and, please, I'm not going to wear the retainer.  Those years of headgear have scarred me too badly to revisit that again.  But if the rest of the teeth start to jump ship too, I may have to consider it.

Ferrell's teeth are as bad as Julia Roberts' forehead vein.  I can't watch her on screen without staring at it.  Or rather, without it staring at ME.

Side note: the movie was only okay.  It got one or two genuine laughs out of me, but save yourself $11.50 and watch the trailer - that's where the gems are.

Additional side note: my Scottish orthodontist used to sing "Power of Love" by Celine Dion while working above my open mouth.  To this day, that song makes me cringe with pain.  I used to distract myself from the wires and pliers that made my mouth bleed by imagining the turned tables when I became an orthodontist.  My application was denied as it was flagged as "highly motivated by aggressive retribution".  Pffft...bureaucracy.

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