Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Worst. Baker. Ever.

Betty Crocker, we have a problem.
I am in the middle of my week of party preparation and have been baking up a storm. Last night was pecan squares and Barefoot Contessa warned me that the filling would bubble over during baking and to place another pan underneath. Done. Safely in the oven, I went downstairs to tend to something terribly important, like blow drying my hair or something. A few minutes later I came up to the kitchen and entire first floor filled with smoke with more smoke pouring out of the burners on the stove.

I learned the following things:

- Fires require oxygen to thrive - it's true! The second I opened the oven door the fire expanded into a fire ball and spread quickly.

- I am not calm under this kind of pressure. I just started yelling "Help" and the names of the tenants upstairs for no real reason while I frantically panicked and planned my next move.

- Using a fire extinguisher isn't that hard. However, having never used one before, trying to read the instructions through smoke and fear is fairly difficult. "Pin? What pin? Where is the PIN??!!!"

- Fire extinguishers (at least mine) are filled with powder. I had no idea. I thought it was a liquid.

- Said powder will cover every surface in your house. You will be pissed.

- My legs shake uncontrollably when faced with that kind of adrenaline and panic.

- My tenants cannot hear me when I call for help, nor do they seem at all concerned with their home filling with smoke. It's clear that I'm on my own here.

- I hate pecan squares. And I'm pretty pissed at Barefoot Contessa too. How about this, INA, make the squares in a container that won't spill over and ruin my entire evening??? Huh, INA!?

- I can ingest a considerable amount of fire extinguisher powder with little to no effect.

1 comment:

  1. You who...are you ok? No blog in a while! In the last 2 entries you inhaled fire extinguisher powder and talked of your funeral wishes. Show us a sign your alive miss winnie!!

    A Japanese fan

    p.s. you have a huge following in my country! :)