Attn: Neighbourhood kid who decided to befriend me yesterday while I watered the plants.
No, this is not going to turn into a feel-good Lifetime movie where we forge an unlikely friendship and you teach me how to care about people and I help you overcome your stutter. Just because you selected me to strike up a conversation with and we spent an entire 10 minutes talking about summer camp, gardening, the weird kid on the block and why you're sitting your bike on my garden hose, this does not make us friends.
I am not Mr. Wilson to your menacing Dennis. I don't know why you hugged me in the hips. I don't know why you didn't run away when I sprayed you with the hose. I don't know why you kept riding your bike past my house all evening, but it creeped me out.
I don't mean to sound all "Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino" but "Get off my lawn!"