Lone Wedding

Sadly, besides the ones that I'm planning, I only have one wedding on my summer social schedule this year. I really love attending weddings - dressing up, open bar, cake, dancing to music you never get at clubs, and the occasional tearing up during speeches if I've had too much wine. It's all lovely.

The wedding I went to a few weeks ago was in the magical land of Woodbridge. It was my first time to the Italian mecca and it was everything I had expected it to be, but bigger. The entire place is a maze of big box stores, hairspray and tinted Honda Civics.

The wedding was only half Italian so I didn't get the full calzone experience but it was pretty awesome/hilarious. I'm talking dry ice on the dance floor awesome.

And I'm talking about the random introduction of sombreros at midnight hilarious. Side bar: somehow in the span of one week I was at two events where I was wearing a sombrero. Pulling. It. Off.


I didn't know anyone except for the person whose date I was and as I met the bride she said, "Oh your dress is so pretty!" For real. Shouldn't I be saying that to her?

After the veal and pasta but before the cheesecake pops (apparently all the rage this year - sigh) the night took an interesting turn as I ended up befriending this 10 year old girl at our table. Yeah. Not sure how this happened, but I think it started because I wanted her to go ask for more potatoes for me. And she did! Then I found her to be extremely useful and oddly fun. I'm not great with kids, but I think I've found my niche - 10 year old girls. They're at that age where someone older than them (I'm sure she thought I was 18) is still fascinating and they look up to girls that are not their mother because they're new and cool.

I remember being this age and wanting to act older and befriend the cool girls. Yes, I am that cool girl. Case in point: she was so helpful in finally getting Spice Girls played. The DJ denied my request, my date's request and my second request. Finally, I sent in the child and it was played right away. She also made me glow stick bracelets and let me have her cake. If only her parents hadn't been watching I could have had her fetch me drinks.

It was surprisingly fun and I felt that I had a small window to impart some wisdom. This is what I came up with when she said she didn't know how to dance: "No one knows how to dance. Just do what feels fun. If it's not fun, don't do it." Seriously. This is my sage advice. First of all, it sounds way to close to that awful saying frequently found on dating profiles "Dance like nobody is watching". Secondly, "If it's not fun, don't do it"? Yeah, that's not going to cause her parents any grief. Why didn't I just tell her to play in traffic and if he buys you dinner.... Ok, I need to refrain from giving out advice in the future.

Another highlight was a major celebrity sighting - funnyman Steve Carrell. In Woodbridge - who knew? I might have asked for an autograph. On my sombrero.

Attention single friends - get married already! I want to go to another wedding. Or my services are available for rent as a wedding date. I'll make "friends" with all the people at table. I will dress up and not embarrass you. Unless they play "Please Mr. Postman" and I'm near the dance floor - then all bets are off. I will not be the DD but I will let you keep the favour. I will help you remember the groom's name when you forget. I will be available for eye-rolling when the maid of honour's speech uses the phrase "two hearts, one soul". Who could refuse?