Love is looking for me

Well, it's official: they know I'm single in the city. Eerily similar to that scene on Sex and the City, I came across a dating service questionnaire and free offer in my mail this week. How do they know? Do they stalk my comings and goings? Does anyone who receives mail with just one name listed automatically get them? Did my parents put them up to this?

It's pretty funny, I guess - yes, I read it, but then shredded it. I'd rather be a lonely cat woman than be a member of The Allied Network. And I hate cats. I did appreciate how I can select a height range that would accommodate even my highest of heels. Also, who is going to select "Some high school" as the preferred education? Where is "Compleatly Iliteret" as an option? And I'm sure I'd really be interested in meeting someone who is into aerobics. Taxidermy, maybe. But not aerobics.

My social goal? To be coupled up just enough so I can get off this dreaded mailing list. What other marital status is there besides Divorced, Separated, Never Married or Widowed? Is that Other category really necessary? What - Engaged? Sexy Spinster? In a Relationship but Unable to Commit?

The fine print states that some conditions may apply. Yeah.

** If you're horribly grotesque, socially awkward, own underwear older than the Internet, enjoy Nicolas Cage, have dirty fingernails, indulge in baby talk, or are actually considering filling out this form, we may not be able to find you love. **