Garage Sale Finds - #2

Ok, church garage sales are the best - way better than the crap you find at homeowner ones. Plus it's guaranteed that dozens of little old ladies are unloading some gems. I'm a slight bit worried that I am picking up things that don't befit a 27 year old...I'm prematurely aging through these purchases.

"Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Shari Black has been bugging me to read this book ever since I met her. The fact that it was once an Oprah's Book Club selection doesn't help, but I will consider it this summer.

Vintage beaded clutch

Such a steal at 0.70. Super chic and reminds me of the 1920s. It's in perfect condition. I may take it out with me tonight. This was my favourite purchase today.

Tupperware pie slice holder

Last week I got the entire pie holder and now I can take just a slice with me. However, if I'm being realistic, I never just take one slice of pie. Come on. But, more classic Tupperware!

Springform pan

Barefoot Contessa always uses these. Cheesecake anyone?

Lemon juicer

My mom has one of these, but this one is much bigger. It's old school but I think they work better than those new fangled electric juicers.

Glass serving bowl

Is this too old for me? I like the shape - seems art deco or something. As long as I don't fill it with Waldorf Salad or turnip, I may be able to pull it off.

Monogrammed "M" glass

Yeah, this really pissed me off. There were two of these glasses and as I carried it around (in my springform pan) I dropped one and it smashed on the floor. (Hmmm, maybe the springform pan isn't as great as I thought.) Everyone gasped and glared at me for spoiling potential church donations. I overpaid on the other items to make up for it.

Coleman drink cooler

Isn't it required that every Canadian own one of these? Looks brand new. The next time I sneak snacks into the movie I can try to smuggle this too. It's about the same quantity as the jumbo size you'd buy there anyway. (Ok, I'm kidding, I don't smuggle food in. Very often.)

Tupperware jello mould with changeable lids

Ok, this one definitely puts me into senior citizen striking distance. But I thought, everyone likes Jell-o and maybe one day I'll want to make such a salad. With Christmas trees, stars and flowers, who wouldn't love that?

This might have been a mistake.

Today is brought to you by:

Lilacs. There is nothing better than the fragrance of lilacs that fills the neighbourhood. We are only so lucky for about 3 weeks, but they're the most glorious two weeks. Sigh...

Garage Sale Finds - #1

Vintage Christmas manger.

Looks identical to the one we've had since I was a child. It was always a battle to see who got to set it up. I was thrilled to find another one.

Later I found out that my dad had cleaned out the attic and sent several items to a church garage sale. Can you see where this is going? I ended up buying back our garbage. Yep.

Tupperware pie holder.

My grandmother makes the absolute best apple pies and whenever she brings them over she totes them in a pie shaped Tupperware container. Where do people buy Tupperware? Do they still have parties - do I have to go to one? I don't want to, but I need to start building my collection.

Weekend Wrap-up

Things I loved about this past weekend:

Joe Fresh, here's why:

- all the dresses have pockets

- everything costs less than $40 - including coats and aforementioned dresses

- having a clothing line in a grocery store is a great idea - if you've been there for three hours, you get pretty dehydrated. So, you just head to the juice aisle or pick up some whole roasted chickens.

- chic, classic, super cute clothes at a budget MelMac can love

Weather. Sunshine, beautiful temperatures, perfect for sitting on a porch.

Rolling into Koi like it's our local pub. We know the drill, we love the music, it's chill - we should get a Frequent Dancer program that waives the cover fee. Please. Don't you know who I am?

When someone uses a pickup line on me that involves a trivia question. In hindsight, I think it was a mistake to have given him my standard fake. Hmm.

Surprisingly, I had a really good time at a birthday/breast cancer fundraiser party that really turned out to be a thinly masqueraded stag and doe style affair. Despite the loonie tosses and raffle prizes, it had $25 all you can drink and I rocked that party!

Things I didn't love about this past weekend:

Um, hello? Didn't you read my previous post?

2 hangovers - one too many for a single weekend

Jehovah's Witnesses at the door

Tripping on the curb on the way into a bar, falling flat on my face, scraping my shoulder and knee. I didn't cry though. Minor victory.

Being denied admission to the bar because the bouncer thought I was too drunk. I was flabbergasted. Then the person I was with was slurring so that didn't help my cause. I was about to say that this has never happened before, but I've been reminded that years ago I was able to get my entire group kicked out of a bar line because I was leaning up against a window sill, barely coherent.

Things I'm on the fence about this past weekend:

If I want to see someone again because he went on and on about my dress Saturday night. It's a rad dress and I appreciate that he noticed, but I was kinda over him. We'll see.

Paul's man scarf. He calls it a keffiyeh or something. Whatever - he looks like Yasser Arafat. Being the amazing wing-woman that I am, I used it as an opener for him with the chicks. I asked them if they thought he was pulling it off or if they thought he was gay. Mixed reactions. But it got him some girls, so maybe it's a draw.

What do you think?

"Year of Yes" - look where it got me

This is the "Year of Yes" which means I am trying to say yes to every invitation even if it is something I normally wouldn't go out of my way to attend. I like the possibility that comes with going out and doing things. It could be fun, hilarious, boring, scary, sober, drunk, or the "Best Time Ever"...but whatever it turns out to be, I guarantee it wouldn't have happened sitting at home, well maybe the boring part.

So, adhering to this philosophy, I said yes to a strange invitation this weekend - a bodybuilding competition. Yeah. To me, this kind of thing falls in with wrestling and Jackass movies: disgusting and completely inane. I don't understand this subculture and especially their motivation. I don't get it!

I went with Paul, a personal trainer who knew some people competing. We drive out to Mississauga, to a high school (?!) and park among a sea of Hummers, most of which took up two parking spaces because their drivers are a specific kind of moron. This is the scene as we arrive:

It was like high school all jacked up. Add a couple skateboards and Doc Martens and you have Delta Secondary, circa 1997.

We walk in and instantly feel fat. And pale. And feminine, even Paul. The hallways were lined with booths selling protein powder, power bars, steroid flavoured gum, and 'posing suits' (which are pretty much a string bikini with less fabric and more sequins...way more). The place was packed with people. I say 'people' but I'm not quite sure. All I saw were veins and bulges with eyes and toes attached.

I was agape the entire night and didn't know where to look. I tried to keep my gasps and comments to myself because these things could cripple me by shaking my hand, but it was impossible. It was all too disgusting and remarkable to keep quiet. We kept giggling and pointing and I was trying to wrap my head around it all.

It was a learning experience if nothing else. Apparently in addition to a leather handbag fake tan, competitors paint themselves with this Pro-Tan stuff that makes them the colour of...I can't even think of anything. I've literally sat here for 5 minutes trying to find the right word to evoke the colour, but have failed. It's so unnatural, you've never seen this shade.

I refused to pay the exorbitant admission fee of $40 so we just watched from the door(and later snuck in for 10 minutes) - and besides, do I really want to sit and watch them pose on stage for 3 hours? It was way better to hang out in the halls with everyone and see the freakiness up close. Way better? Maybe that's the wrong phrase.

There was this one girl in an outfit that had 'Pimp' emblazoned on her ass. Every 'woman' wore stripper shoes and fake hair. One guy had pimples all over his body, which I learned is from steroids. They all looked like they were in pain as they walked - their muscles were slowly choking them.


There was this one girl we called "Fake Tan Chubb". She had the glittery outfit, her skin was doing its best impression of a lobster wearing bronzer, and yet she was totally chubby and out of shape. We think she was a groupie that really got into the whole scene, but really wasn't able to compete.

It occured to me that the guys who do this are all pretty unattractive, even without the muscles. That, coupled with the Hummers in the parking lot, makes me think that the whole lifestyle is geared towards people overcompensating for something. Yeah.

I could have saved myself all the words in this post by just putting up the following pictures. For there are no words - they say it all. Enjoy. (FYI: the guy on the right is a white guy.)

'Tis the season....

It is officially garage sale season and I've blocked off Saturday mornings from 8am - 10am until Labour Day. In high school, my entire bedroom was furnished with other people's junk. I thought old glass milk jugs, floral tins, wicker baskets, a VHS copy of Mighty Ducks and a rusty whisk were items that I couldn't pass up. And to get them all for 0.50 or less - what a steal!

However, those days are mostly gone, although I do still love a deal. I will be looking for the following items this summer:

- picnic baskets (one large, one small, both wicker and with checkered pattern inside if possible)

- salad spinner

- vintage necklaces and brooches

- a full set of beautiful teacups and saucers

- "Pride and Prejudice" or "Free Food For Millionaires"

Mad for 'Mad Men'

This is my latest obsession. Mad Men. It's fantastic and I've been hearing about it for months - we even had our Christmas soiree themed with it in mind. I've just finished Season One and I really think I was born in the wrong decade. If I could have been a teenager or twenty-something in the late 50s and early 60s, well....that would have been swell!

The clothes, the hairstyles, the manners...I adore it all. Seriously, these women got to wear gloves and huge dresses every day. For no reason! I have to beg my peeps for an excuse to dress up and still have dozens of dresses that have never seen the dark of night.

Since watching it, I've started sitting up straighter, I've pulled out the cardigans reserved for library-dom and even wrote the following line in an email tonight, "Do be safe". It's out of control. Save for constant smoking and oppressive suburban life, it looks ideal in Technicolor. Everything looks acceptable - rampant affairs, martinis with lunch, calling grown women 'Sweetheart' at work.

While there are hints of the past these days, I long for the time when men always let a women order first, rose when she left the table, and wore a hat, which they tipped. Sigh. Sure, no decade is perfect, but give me the 50s over my 80s and 90s birthright any day.

Victoria Day Reflection

I'm beginning to resent the saying "Live each day like it's your last". It's so trite, and it just makes people feel bad about how they're already spending their day. "Make each day count" - there's another one. So, if I decide that I want to laze around all day and do nothing, does that day not count? It's condescending needlepoint philosophy.

Today, for instance, - should I feel bad that I spent the day watching movies, talking to friends on the phone and generally being all-around lazy? I ate two pieces of chocolate cake, didn't get out of my pyjamas until 4pm and had a passive-aggressive spat with my cell phone's texting capabilities. Is there anything wrong with spending a holiday Monday that way? Was it a waste?

However, I did venture out once today to take a walk in the park - an activity I talked myself into as a result of those stupid sayings. I often have the feeling that everyone else in the world is making more out of their long weekend than I am. So, I went for a walk....and it turned out to be sublime.

I thought about living today as if it were my last. As I walked around the park in the 4:30pm sunshine, listening to "Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye" by The Casinos, in my favourite sweater and sunglasses, I felt a peace. Today could be my last day and I would be okay with that.

I have no outstanding ill will or issues with anyone. I am loved. I am liked. I have a full life and I am completely content with who I've turned out to be. I laid down on the grass and thought the kinds of things one thinks when they are high. I squinted into the sun and smiled. If today were to be my last day and this is the way I spent it, I'm okay with that.

Although, if I had actually known this was it, I would have had a third piece of cake.

Not quite the mass marketing we had in mind...

These shoes dominated my Saturday night. The obsession was out of control S.B.!

**the camera setting here is 'drunk'**

Things I Do Not Know

- What exactly is the protocol as a driver when encountering a funeral procession? Besides a solemn look on my face, is it enough to lower my music? Do I have to give their entire 48 car group the right of way?

-Why do the accents of most British singers disappear when they are singing? As an avid Spice Girls fan, I've listened to many hours of Brit singing and it virtually disappears. Why??

- When I'm driving down the highway and I see a tractor trailer filled with 15 new cars, why are there white protective stickers on only some parts of the cars? Like random places like the middle square of the driver door, or only half of the side mirrors?

- Is bad hair a date deal breaker?

WTF?

Seriously, if anyone can clue me into why this is funny, I will pay you $1.50. That's about all it's worth to me. Someone suggested it's meant to say "Oh what a goose I am". That is not funny. Please let there be a better reason why this would warrant inclusion in a nationally syndicated newspaper. Yes, I get that it's called Bizarro, but come on.

Barefoot Contessa

I have a bit of an obsession with this woman.

Barefoot Contessa (a.k.a Ina Garten)

She is a chef (I'm using this term very loosely - I know what a true chef looks like) on the Food Network and has 6 cookbooks and legions of fans. I am one of these fans. I discovered her years ago and have since amassed all cookbooks except one. It is one of my life goals to try each and every recipe she offers. So far, I'd say I'm about 8% through. But, hey, I still have at least....75% of my life left?

I like to describe her as a friendly and plump version of Martha Stewart. Actually I've never seen someone that more embodies the phrase 'pleasantly plump'. She oozes warmth and simple joy. She lives in the Hamptons with her husband who always act like they are on their honeymoon and they have no children (maybe this is part of the appeal?).

The kicker is that she's smart as well. She used to work at the White House doing policy and budgets or something. She uses phrases like, "How simple is that? I completely adore her.

However, my dedication to her methods caused me to put coffee grounds into some chocolate icing this weekend because it "brings out the flavour of the chocolate". It doesn't. Well, at least not when the grounds are not completely dissolved. Lesson learned. Many thanks to my friends for allowing me to experiment on them. Some hits, some misses, but I'm getting better.

Randomness

I spent the day with my mom yesterday and we descended upon Oakville for browsing and lunching. First, we went to her framer to finally get my degrees framed. Since 2002 and 2007 they've been collecting dust under my bed. Although, I guess you could say the MLS will continue to collect dust even once it's up on my wall. Seeing them matted and framed made me feel like a professor or a dentist. I like the idea of having them.

We checked out Whole Foods - for foodies, especially those of the organic persuasion, this place is utopia. It's like a museum for food. The produce is out of this world. I can't even imagine a place like this in Hamilton where, apparently, deli counters and basil are frills. I bumped into First Date Dude next to the mushrooms and although this was awkward enough, mom decided to hover and ram into me to "give me an opportunity to introduce her". I let this opportunity pass.

Last night was also the final trivia of the season. We are now on hiatus until October - mainly to allow our brains to rest, but also to allow for things to happen since we've covered almost everything since the beginning of time.

Happily I can report that our team won both Monday night and Tuesday night. We finally got the wings we've been coveting for weeks, Kevin pulled an incredible answer out of the depths of his mind and there were plenty of extra rounds to satisfy us for the long summer. I'll miss trivia, but like most things, it's always better when it is something to look forward to after a break.

All yellow? Really MA$E?

Remember MA$E? Didn't he quit the game and become a preacher or something? Perhaps I'm thinking of MC Hammer. Well, he's back. And it's clear he's spent the years since he was 'sittin' on top of the world' sitting at the buffets of the world. Chunky but in charge, I love this song. It could have something to do with the fact that it's a sunny spring day and I'm craving some pure, unadulterated sweetness, but it's all good. His voice is so distinctive and it takes me back. Back to Billy Bob's...ugh.

Try this at home, kids!

This guy I know (someone who cares not about dentistry whatsoever) showed me this trick the other day. From time to time I will attempt a high five and fail miserably - please, we've all been there. However, no more!

Try looking at the person's elbow as you high five them. Fool proof. We tried it countless times - you can't miss.

You're welcome.